Communication

Loyalty in Friendship

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
07/07/14
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“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24, KJV).

Larry Lilly, in his book ‘Lasting Friendships in 30 Days’, says, “Friendship is one of the many misunderstood subjects in life.” I would like to share some gems with you, beginning with ‘Day 2: Loyalty to Your Friends’. The principle of the day: “Be loyal to your friends, even if others fail to do so.”

In this chapter, Pastor Lilly looked at Proverbs 18:24, a verse he says “tops the list for misinterpretation.” After stating that, “The verse gives the ultimate example as to the kind of friend we must strive to be...” and that, “...the friend who sticks closer than a brother is, in the final analysis, the Lord Jesus.” he asks: So when we are in the pursuit of finding friends, what does the verse mean when it says, “Must show himself friendly?”

Within his response is the following quote by Arnold Glasgow: “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” Larry then gives his own interpretation of the quote: “In other words, a true friend has the courage to interfere when you decide to destroy yourself or your reputation. A friend lifts up his friend.”
 

I have been in many circles where people gossip about their friends when they see those friends making choices that will put them and their loved ones in danger. Alternatively, they may privately disagree but publicly encourage or even participate in the decision-making process of such choices. Then later when the very thing they knew would happen come to pass they say, “I knew it! I knew that would happen!”
 

If you are behaving like that you are not a true friend. Your friend should be able to rely on your honest opinion even if you know they will take offense to what you have to say. You should love your friend enough to tell them the truth even if they choose not to listen to you or listen but not take your advice.

Friendship calls us to be unselfish. If we are selfish we become ‘yes’ people, agreeing with everything our friends say and do simply because we are afraid they won’t want to associate with us anymore. That is not true friendship. It is hypocrisy.

Larry continued in this chapter by asking, “What about loyalty to your friends? Can you keep quiet when your friend is being run down? Why? Or, more to the point, how?” He then shared the story of a woman who sought his advice concerning a man she was thinking of marrying. He advised her by simply asking her, “Is he loyal to his friends?” stating that “If he is not, then he will not be loyal to you or any person or cause.”

Larry states: “To be loyal does not mean to be a yes person, but it does mean that you do not abandon a friend. Sometimes, loyalty demands that you disagree with a friend...”  

I had such an experience during the academic year 1996-1997 when my friend Stephen disagreed with a very bad choice I was about to make. I was in a very unhealthy relationship and Stephen witnessed me being mistreated by that individual on more than one occasion. I would always make excuses for his bad temper and would put up with his abusive behavior. My eyes were closed to the truth at the time and although I respected Stephen as a friend, and knew it was not God’s will for me to be in such a relationship as he warned. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say to me.

I did listen to him but it took me awhile to adhere to his advice. Although he didn’t agree with me and he didn’t see me moving in the right direction after his advice, he didn’t abandon the friendship. He knew his part was to advise but it was my choice to make. He remained true to the friendship and was there when I needed his advice again. It temporarily placed a strain on our friendship but it is one of the friendships that has been tried and tested, borne out of adversity.

Today, I am thankful for his honesty and unselfish act back then because I am now reaping the rewards of taking such advice. I am married to a wonderful man (the man of my dreams) and we have been blessed with a wonderful son. I now have a new song to sing, each day, of God’s goodness and the overflow of his blessings in my life.

My friend risked being cut-off from my friendship list by standing on the principles of the Bible as he tried to be a true friend. God used his effort (along with the testimony of another friend who chose to be true to the friendship, despite repercussions she may have had to endure) to help open my eyes. They both had the courage to say to me what everyone else wanted to say but chose to remain quiet about. As a result of their honesty and unselfish acts I was able to see the light and it opened up a whole new world for me.  

“What we do is less than a drop in the ocean. But if that drop were missing, the ocean would lack something.”

--Mother Teresa.

So I challenge you, today, to be a loyal friend. If you find yourself afraid to disagree with friends who are making choices that you know will destroy them or their reputation, please seek ways to educate yourself on becoming a better friend. They are your friends and God placed them in your life for a reason and also for a season. Strive to be a true friend by understanding what it means to be loyal and then be that kind of friend.

In His Service!

Janice S Ramkissoon

7^th July 2014