Communication

Questions on Friendship

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
07/05/14
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'A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity'

(Proverbs 17:17, NIV).

--Part 1--

There are many questions that came to my mind as I thought about friendship over the past few months. There are friends who have slowly faded from the scene over the years.  Then we’ll hear from one such friend only to find that they have been privately trying to deal with issues on their own. I thought about family members who may be going through their own crisis and the main question I focused on was:

How does it make you feel when your friends or relatives struggle with a particular issue yet you’ve not been aware of it until it becomes public knowledge?

My mind began to explore:

The individual(s) in question may have struggled with such an issue for more years than you’ve been friends or since you’ve been born into or brought into the family but never felt comfortable sharing with you. 

Do you then wonder why they did not feel comfortable sharing with you as a member of the family or as a friend?

Thinking about such an individual, maybe a family member could have helped them work through those issues but they were never given the opportunity.

If I place myself in the position of a family member then I would have to think about my part in the whole matter. If that family member have never considered me as a friend how then could they feel comfortable sharing with me?

Being in that position, naturally, I would not be trusted with such delicate information.  I would then need to ask myself:

Could I have been a better friend to that family member? 

If I place myself in the position of a friend (whether a friendship developed over many or few years) instead of a family member, then I would have to think about my role in that relationship. Am I a friend or an associate? If I come to the conclusion that I am a friend then I must establish whether I play the role of a true friend or a friend of convenience (a fair weather friend).

The way we think of ourselves is not always the way others think about us. In my heart, I may know that I am a good/true friend. I may love that individual very much but one’s heart can only be seen by God. Therefore, I cannot take it for granted that they understand that my love for them is without condition. I would be wrong to do that.

Then what is the point of my questioning?

The point is that I would need to show that love in practical ways. That brings me to the final question for this part of the article:

How do I show my love in practical ways?

--Part 2--

For the past two months (May and June 2014) I’ve been reading up on friendship to see where I personally have fallen short and how I can remedy the situation.

So far, I have had some great advice from the author Larry Lilly in his book, ‘Lasting Friendships in 30 days’ and ‘Moments of Friendship’ by Helen Steiner Rice. It has been an educative journey for me which I would like to continue. I am happy to get confirmation of the things I am already doing well. I am also asking God to show me the areas where I can improve and I am preparing to make the necessary changes once they are revealed.

There can be many obstacles in developing friendships. One of the major obstacles I face is distance. Migration first introduced me to long distant friendship and it is painful being so far from loved ones. A second obstacle is finance and the third is transportation. But even those obstacles can be overcome when we realise that friendship is a precious gift from God. It may not be as easy but it can still be maintained.  

I strongly believe that friends are God’s way of taking care of us. Friendship is a precious gift and when we can see family members as friends then the bond is strengthened. I am blessed to be married to my best friend but I’d like to be a good friend to my relatives also. Moreover, there is always room for improvement in developing our relationships. Here’s to educating ourselves on being better friends.

Will you join me on this journey in educating yourself on becoming a better friend to the people whom God has placed in your care and those He connects you with as you travel through life?

'One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother' (Proverbs 18:24. NIV).

In Service for Christ!

Janice S. Ramkissoon.

©Janice S Ramkissoon, 2014.