Encouragement

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It’s funny how the mere sight of the word “Exams” sends a jolt of anxiety juice through my system. The strange part is that I was, for the most part, an adept test taker in school. It has me wondering if the isn’t some innate fear of tests singed upon the soul of man. After all, we did not fair well in our very first test of our faithfulness in the Garden and the consequences were catastrophic. Much was the same result when the Israelites were tested during the absence of Moses at Sinai and Judas and Peter wound up on the lower end of the curve as well, though Peter was able to later salvage the situation while Judas succumbed to his failure. On the plus side, we have Abraham and the ultimate test of the life of his son and Rahab who risked all for a God she didn’t know very well. Then there was the testing of Job, the grading of which is still subject to debate. Common to all was the high degree of sweat involved in the process.

I can recognize similar patterns in my own like. The advent of school brought on the stress of socializing and the many early failures prompted by undiagnosed hearing and attention deficit disorders. The coinciding of adolescent acne and puberty generated utter defeat and the overcompensation that came with it. The resulting contempt for God made the Devil proud and allowed me to give new meaning to Wilde’s “I can resist everything except temptation.” Then there was DP who when driven to tears by taunts, asked me to help and I stood up to the gang of bullies pretending not to be as frightened twice as much as he was. And when LQ was horrified by the emptying of the contents of her nose during a kiss, I deftly swiped it with a tissue snatched from a nearby table all in one motion without any attention being paid by anyone and neither of us has mentioned it in over forty years. My noble moments, however few, are ever so precious to me. Yet there is one test more important than the rest. It came when I had lost all hope and sense of self. I knew I dare not test His power and wisdom, but in desperation, I could not help testing His love. Foolishly forgetting the night test in the garden and the next one on the hill and that visits to the Valley of the Shadow of Death were preceded by walks in a garden with the Father and encounters with the serpent. Now I can not contain my joy with the delightful realization that all the while it was not I under test but He, and in brilliant glory, the Love proved was not mine for Him, but His for me.

Desperado 7-29-04
RED

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