Healing

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Prequel to a Long Journey

At first, I was terrified by Kindergarten; the noise, confusion, big loud kids, scary teachers and the daily unknown was almost unbearable. But, early on, I decided that all the different pretty girls made it an overall worthwhile experience. First grade was uneventful which was just fine with me. In second grade I encountered Mrs. Rooney, who radiated warmth, kindness and gentleness. In third grade I was imprisoned with Sister Mary Jean, whose commitment to putting the fear of God in me convinced me of her psychosis and that God was someone to avoid. In fourth Grade I was devastated by the news that Mrs. Rooney had gone blind and by being under the yoke of Sister Gertrude; a combination that caused me to conclude that God was cruel in addition to being unfair. In fifth grade, Brother Edward demoted me to the back row for being bad and stupid. In sixth grade, Brother Mark reinstated me in the front row because, as a hearing impaired person, he realized I was partially deaf. He also taught me that men could be as tender and warm as Mrs. Rooney.

In sixth grade I discovered History, grew tall and liked the view. In seventh grade, I was again demoted to the back row by Brother Christopher, who regarded my undiagnosed ADD as a frontal assault on his authority and personhood and, subsequently, physically assaulted me on a fairly regular basis. In the eighth grade, an entirely new and wondrous dimension to my fascination with girls was revealed to me and I thoroughly succumbed to a chronic case of testosteral psychosis which, though I was certain it would pass, was to plague me for most of my life.

My grade school experiences presented much pain, fear, anger, wonder, inspiration, love, yearning, suffering, sadness, succor and sublimeness. Dangerously, I was to leave for high school resentful towards a God I couldn’t understand or like, never mind love, and full of passion and desire for life and fearful of where it might lead. I had the heart and mind of the younger son and set off for a distant land. It was to take a lifetime for me to come to my senses and return to the loving arms of my Father who stood by the roadside and welcomed me with great joy and forgiveness. Truly, I was lost, and then found, dead, then alive by His grace, mercy and tenderness.

Desperado
7/21/04
RED
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