Christian Living
This is a continuation to the letter posted earlier here called "The Fear":
"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind." - Philippians 3:12-16
As said before, "I don't have it together." Paul said the same thing in saying he had not "attained".
While talking about the group's setbacks in regard to "the fear" I am reminded of its benefits. While we may all struggle with getting close to each other we are actually at a level of intimacy that would benefit it concerning that same fear. As an example I am aware of knowing many of you so well that I can tell who has come to Singles' by walking through the parking lot and seeing which cars are there. I once made a joke about how we know each other so well we could confess each others sins.
I can tell when one of you, either a guy or a girl, is attracted to someone else. I know many of you that well.
So while we are not where we may need to be, while we may have not attained, we are on a path that may lead to some pretty amazing things. It may be that we are willing to get closer to each other but only so far.
Maybe some have read the last email on "The Fear" where I used the word "intimacy". That may have conjured up some images I had not intended. I said intimacy and I did not say "being alone together". As it is we have been around long enough where we know physical intimacy to where we would only be tripped up by being alone with someone of another gender. That is where the "safety" of the group comes in.
So many times I see two people within the group find an attraction for each other and then move on, only to learn later they had stumbled. After all we are all in our forties, at least thirties. We know some things younger people might not.
I have had the question posed to me, “How can I get to know someone without dating?” My response is that I know many of the women quite well in the group as it is now, and I have not dated any of them. Again, I benefited from the group.
When two date there is a tendency to put on one's best face. Even when we do not mean to we will still anyway because of the desire to gain someone's interest. On the other hand we might think of someone we are attracted to, “Is that person patient with me alone, or are they that way with everyone? Are they being kind because they want something from me, or are they like that with anyone in the group?”
That is a good question because it is asking about character versus reputation. Someone may have a reputation for being nice to get something while another is known for their character being consistent with both brothers and sisters. Which person do you want to be with?
On that note I would like to say to my sisters: If a guy seems too ambitious to get you alone with him, away from the group, do not bother with him. You have not lost anything.
I learn more about a person within the group by how they interact with others than I do alone with them. If one has an anger issue it will eventually be made apparent within the group. I have seen that as well. It seems to me group settings work best when it comes to learning about each other. I become quite aware of who is willing to help and who is willing to BE helped. Who are the best listeners and who are the best counselors (I usually find that those types are one and the same).
That is how I got to know a lot of my sisters in the group without dating them. I watch all of you. I spend time with you all where I can see how you are with everyone.
The group is safe because we can watch out for each other. If we see a relationship that seems to appear inappropriate, or one is being inappropriate with another I would like to think we would talk with those concerned. We can point out if a relationship needs to take a different path or if it seems to becoming something that is of the Lord. The church, congregation or group or is the best instrument by which the Lord often reveals His will. In the multitude of counselors we can be sure of safety, because when two or more are gathered in His name...well, you know.
And that is the point of the verse above. To observe what is going on now as opposed to our painful past experiences. Now is more important than yesterday. Now is the hope, while the past is something to be moved away from.
The seashores of our country have buoys in the water for points of reference. Seamen know their positions by where they are in relation to them.
In like manner, our past is a buoy by which we can gauge our growth. Are we as hopeless about knowing someone closely because of what has once happened, or do we have hope because we see people growing now? I am concerned many of us are still clinging to that buoy.
Many of us got hurt because instead of intimacy we were alone with someone and it left the gates of temptation wide open.
The past, like buoys, is useful when it is behind us. If it is then it is probably because we are moving toward Christ as we should.
Rather than be held down by what once had happened, be pressing on toward the upward call.
Instead of letting the past take hold of us, take hold of the Christ who holds us now.
So we I believe we have attained some of what the Lord intended. I am hoping we are all walking by the same rule, becoming of the same mind-in agreement. I believe that is how we will be successful. It is then I realize by the verse cited above the One and only thing we are to pursue is the Lord. It does not state scripturally to pursue a wife/husband. In fact it says "Do not seek..." while at the same time saying there is no sin in getting married (1 Corinthians 7:26-28).
I believe it works like this: Pursue the Lord, making sure He is the only thing in your sights. Watch your pace, your drive and your direction. In time you may find someone running in the same direction as you, maybe almost maintaining the same pace.
They may be the one.
Your partner in the struggle,
Bob
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