Christian Living

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A letter I just recently wrote to my Christian Single group. I thought to post it here for those who are single Christians, especially those over 30:
 
"And He entered the synagogue again, and a man was there who had a withered hand.” “He said to the man, 'Stretch out your hand.' And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other." - Mark 3:1; 5b

This is something I have decided to write about. Something that is difficult to discuss.

Easter weekend, after everyone had left the Rhodes' residence, I found myself with the privilege of having the sole attention of Julie and Jesse. While this has not been the first time I have had such a time with them it was a landmark conversation with them for myself.

As chance would have it I found myself talking with them about being single and interests I have had in certain persons. While that might be illuminating I found myself confessing something I was only aware of on a less-than-conscious level.

The fear of being intimate with someone.

Of course I was strictly talking about emotional intimacy. Furthermore I found myself telling them that I believe I hang with the Single's group because it is safe to do so with them. So in a sense I can only be so safe because the majority shares the same fear with me. Frightened birds have flocked together.

In my own frail understanding I believed I had overcome that fear, as if I had attained a certain level of emotional/spiritual maturity. I was actually fooling myself. The only reason I write this to everyone is because I believe we share a common plight.

While confessing to the fear I also have to confess to understanding it. Since the average age of the group is around 43 I would say we have had a lot of experience with different levels of intimacy, all of which require a level of trust. Unfortunately I believe we all have had horrendous experiences with having that trust and intimacy violated.

I, like many of you, am afraid of getting hurt. I should also admit to the fear of hurting someone else. That often happens when trust has been violated.

This precious trust then has been hidden deep within a heart that has the capacity to choose to trust. That trust was exercised when I chose to have an intimate relationship with God through His Son, Jesus.

But it seems that trust must be challenged on a regular basis, or else it is not a true trusting relationship with God as Father through the Christ. If I trust that the Lord can change me then can He not change another? Could that change effect how that person handles the intimate trust of another?

However, if I believe that another person cannot so change through trusting in Christ, then maybe I have not changed either. And yet if I am on the road to change, also called sanctification, then maybe my trust in the Lord should be expressed in trusting one who I believe has also changed to where they may be trustworthy. Love hopes all things.

We all know the appeal of having that special relationship where we can bare our souls with an intimate someone. What's it called? Marriage?

I write these thoughts for your consideration for yourself. You see, I do not like knowing what I am aware of now. That dislike may be expressed by letting my trust in another human being be challenged. If so I run the risk all of us know too well. I may get hurt in an attempt to be intimate, meaning simply closer.

But then, that happened to Jesus as well when He came close to/intimate with man.

Then talk about Paul who said to the Thessalonians: "So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us." - 1 Thessalonians 2:8

Paul was intimate with the church. I believe that's why I share so much with you all, even beyond my poetry. You have heard my struggles and fears and have known my prayer requests. I'm on the road the Lord intended for all of us. Before, fear prevented that, the fear that you will learn I don't have it together.

Guess what? I don't have it together.

Fear seems often best dealt with by facing it. I may find facing it is best dealt with by discussing it with those I am trusting; those who know this fear. Are we not to confess our sins to one another that we may be healed? Just as the man with the withered hand described in the verse above had to expose that hand to the synagogue so that Jesus would heal it, I am exposing a heart withered by such fear. If I love God then I hate the sin He abhors and the consequences of that sin. If I love you all then I must talk about something however difficult it may be for us to face. Love indeed rejoices in the truth.

Is it true that for a Christian to decide to get close to someone of another gender requires trusting the Lord? Is my keeping distant like saying to Him, "I don't trust You or what You said." If I let the actions of a person from the past hinder a chance to trust the Lord so is that not having a fear of man that produces such a snare?

Who do I trust? If I don't trust the Lord there have I trusted Him at all?

A congregation is only as strong as its trust in Christ, Whom often reveals Himself through that same congregation.

As one who struggles with fear, especially the fear of getting hurt by another human being I appreciate courage. I like it when someone stands up and points out something that needs our attention. Someone sure needs to talk about this.

Who will take the lead? I've stretched out my withered hand. Jesus, what will You do now?

Trusting you all with this,
Bob

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