Christian Living

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Fear of decision making

I’ve always found it hard to make decisions, any decisions. I usually think about an issue too much before I take a step, and because of that I have missed many good opportunities. I didn’t realize until today that by failing to make a decision, by failing to take a step in faith, I was already deciding to leave it up to the circumstances. By not choosing to follow any specific path I was, unconsciously, choosing to let the wind sweep me around like an autumn leave. I was reading my Bible today, after praying and confessing to God how hopeless and discouraged I felt. I prayed for him to take the lead, to take control of my life. I confessed that I want to be obedient but I’m not sure what it is he wants me to do. I’m confused most of the time. I get overwhelmed by all the choices I have in front of me and I feel a deep fear running through my veins, a fear that paralyses me, so I stay where I am and don’t make any decision at all. Or so I thought. Because today God showed me that by failing to make a decision, by failing to choose, I was choosing to stay where I am, I was choosing to be unproductive, I was choosing to hide
the gift he’s given me, I was choosing to bear not fruit.

I was reading Matthew and I felt that the Lord led me to chapter 25:14 where Jesus tells the story about investment. It talks about a man that was going on a trip and decided to delegate his responsibilities. He called his 3 servants and gave them each a certain amount of money, according to their abilities. After a long absence the master came back and 2 of his servants showed him how they had doubled the money given to them. The master congratulated them and told them they would now be his partners. But the third one told his master, that since he knew how the master always expected the best and wouldn’t allow errors, he had been too afraid to do anything with the money given to him, so he just hid it away. The master was very disappointed and said “that’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that” and he continued saying “…take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this play-it-safe”

I was shocked by this revelation! I felt like the Lord was telling me to stop being lazy, to stop playing it safe. He was telling me to get out of my comfort zone and make a choice, take a step. I’ve been waiting for guidance all this time, too afraid of making mistakes but now I know I have to take a step, even if I’m scared, even if I’m not sure what’s going to happen next. I have to take the first step and keep on praying and believing that God would guide me from then. He would only showed me what the mission he appointed to me is once I showed him I am up for the challenge. I have to get up and get ready.
I can’t bear thinking that I might run out of time, that he could tell me that my time is up, that I’ve wasted my chance.
I’m quite aware of my ignorance, I know I have a lot to learn, but even though I don’t know much I know that I want to make him proud. I want to imagine him looking down on me and smiling proudly when he sees that I have done my best with what he has given me. So from now on I will do my best to live the life God intended for me to live.

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