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Topic: Endurance (03/22/04)
TITLE: And Another Thing . . .
By Dori Knight
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Okay, times up. Pencils down. If you've failed to follow me thus far, you are not ready for full time motherhood. Take two aspirin and call Dr. Dobson in the morning. Then practice balancing the checkbook while helping with math homework, clipping little fingernails and putting on your make up. Yes, it can be done. There is always "another thing" that can be done. It just takes practice.
One day you will join the ranks of the amazing wives and mothers who make this country run. I'm not talking about day time television divas who have a staff of fifty doing all the real work behind the scenes, either. I'm talking about real women. I'm talking about the kind of women who could jar their own jelly, bake their own bread, and weave their own toilet paper if they weren't so blessed busy standing in line at the grocery store.
Yours will be a ministry of service, and though your brain may fall out along the way, do not be dismayed. Your children do not believe you have one anyway. They simply require you to sign your name on the dotted line, drive them to the nearest social function, and/or fork over large amounts of cash.
Your life will begin to resemble one long, run-on sentence of "other things" that need be washed, cooked, driven, paid for, cleaned, polished or put away. Do not attempt to get it all done in one day. If you do this, your family will only demand more of you. Besides, it will make your friends jealous and you'll end up alone in your organization.
Best bet: always leave a few things laying around and forget to pay the phone bill from time to time. This makes everyone think you're overworked. You may even score big and get to have someone come in and help with the chores. If you accomplish this, you are automatically promoted to Queen Mother of Housewives, your feather duster will be gilded, and you'll become wealthy by selling the secret to your success. I will be your first customer.
But for now, I need to get along: my husband is calling for help with the littles, who are having a sleep over with eight of their best friends and have spilled coke on the floor which I'll have to steam clean in the morning after I run to the store for bug spray, but before I go through the car wash to vacuum up yesterday's french fries that are beginning to attract the ants that I have to kill before I can steam clean the carpets in the van.
And another thing . . . .
copyright 2004 dori knight