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Topic: Beginnings (05/31/04)
TITLE: Beginnings By Charlotte Schafer 06/06/04 |
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For me the past two years have been all about beginnings. I guess you could say that I have been in the midst of beginnings ever since my salvation to Jesus Christ in 1992. You know he gives us all a fresh lease on life and a brand new direction for our lives.
But just two years ago, my baby girl got married and moved away from home. That gave me the idea that we should move also. I did not like being so far from her. We had become such good friends. Anyway, God spoke to me and promised me that he would make a way in the desert and streams in the wilderness and that we should go to Virginia. So began our great adventure.
Back then I worked for a ministry and I grew in the Lord by leaps and bounds, and in the knowledge and wisdom of God. But still one big thing was lacking in me. That big thing was the willingness to let go and let God as they say. Since the move He has been teaching me to trust him with everything.
My personality being a mix of Melancholy and Sanguine would often sabotage my most bold and brave ideas. Sanguine would say go ahead and step out! Melancholy would quickly pull me back into its shelter. Finally, I got tired of staying under the wings of the protective eye of my melancholy bent. I got tired of having a savior that I was afraid to trust. I wanted him to be real and as alive as he claimed to be in His word. As of late I have been walking in new territory trusting the Lord with our finances. Putting Him and His Kingdom first and watching to see how he will meet our needs. I am willing to lose it all if that is what He says. I am trusting that His plan is what ever is best for me and I am willing to embrace it and nothing else.
We left all but one dear friend behind and she has been here with me helping me get acclimated until just three weeks ago when we said our goodbyes and she left for Tennessee. So I am now learning how to pursue new friendships and not just depend on the old ones. I have also been looking for my niche in the work world after ten years at a ministry with my hands in all sorts of projects it has been hard to find anything close. Also I was not too sure that I wanted to go back to that sort of work. So God has put me in an accounts receivable position for nearly a year, a very poor fit. But, then I became a broker assistant/ secretary for six months followed by beginning an internship as a personal trainer, also a very poor fits for me. Finally, I am working as an administrative assistant for my pastor. Perhaps that will be the perfect niche.
After years of co-dependency, relying on my husband, friends, and even my children I am finally striking out on my own. Did I go through a death or a divorce? No, I’m just following the normal growth pattern of a Christian. Every day has become a new beginning. I am finding out who I am, not trying to be someone else. I have spent too many years in the shadow of trying to be like people I love and respect. I have now laid that aside for just becoming me.
Yesterday, I found a beach in our community I have been wanting to go to, and today, I am seated on the sandy shore of the beach basking in the sun and feeling the breeze on my face and body and clad in my swimsuit all by myself. It feels good to be whole, free and alive for such a time as this.
The beginning started the day I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Ever since that time I’ve been making strides toward more and more freedom. Delighting in Him with all my heart. I am learning how to take on his yoke for it is not heavy like the one some others have tried to place on me or like I myself have often placed upon myself. I delight in beginnings because his mercies are new every day and he is greatly faithful.