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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: BEAT AROUND THE BUSH (05/25/17)
The announcer’s voice lifted with excitement, “Can you believe how this little nine-year-old can ride? This powerful paint horse and his little red-headed rider are putting on a school. They have taken the lead with the fastest barrel run of the whole day.”

“Nice run, as usual. I read a good article on “Bear” leading the amateur association this year. They are doing great.” I addressed Bear’s mother standing beside me along the arena fence.

“Thank you. When her grandparents heard we were coming to the Junior Rodeo’s they said, ‘well she won’t have any competition there, when she is beating all the adults.’ I told them, ‘You’d be surprised.’"

I pulled my recorder up as our nine-year-old daughter flew through the gate on her big palomino gelding. Dusty rimmed each barrel and threw dirt all over us as he slid to a stop in front of us.

“Folks, we have a new leader. I can’t believe how these little girls ride…”

This pair had been each other’s stiffest competition since they were six years old, the wins see-sawed between.

Shortly, the two girls came skipping up arm in arm. “Mom, can “Bear” stay with us for branding?” My daughter asked. “Bear” and “Nut” were their chosen nicknames. Though fierce competitors – they were best-of-friends.

“Sure, if it is okay with her parents.”

The next year “Bear’s family moved to another state. Many years Nut and Bear corresponded. Nut’s constant request in family prayer was for the salvation of Bear and her brother.

When Nut went to college the correspondence dwindled. Then, at an All-Girl Rodeo in Idaho, Bear and Nut ran into each other, Nut was engaged and preoccupied. Her little sister and Bear hung out. When our younger daughter married Bear and her brother came to her wedding, showing up the night before at the rehearsal dinner.

I knew the five-foot-three petite red-head the minute I saw her, but I would never have known her muscular six-foot-four brother.

“You’ve got to be Bear?” The girl beamed as I squeezed her. Looking to the gentle giant Bear behind her I ask. “Is this Teddy? “ He grinned shyly.

They stayed at our house with many others seamlessly blending as if they’d always belonged. I prayed and watched for a chance to share the gospel. The day after the wedding they joined our son on a trip up the mountain to chivalry the honeymooner’s house. It was late when they burst into the house laughing at their pranks and long day of digging out of November snows.

Next morning after breakfast they hurriedly loaded their luggage in their Dodge pickup for the long trip home in blustery weather.
Would we ever see them again? I recalled all of our daughter’s prayers … somehow I had to tell them -there was no time to beat-around-the-bush they were saying, “Thanks and goodbye.”

“If I knew something bad could happen - like a bridge out- wouldn’t you want me to tell you?” I blurted.

“Yes, of course.” They both nodded.

“Well 1 John 5:12-13 tells us, ‘He that hath the Son hath life and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written that you may know that you have eternal life.’ Do you know that you have eternal life? If you died today are you sure you would go to heaven?”

They exchanged serious looks and shook their heads.

“Would you let me show you what the Bible says, so that you could know you have eternal life?”

“Yes.” They both nodded. “But how long will it take? We really need to get home.” Teddy asked.

“Fifteen minutes.”

“That will give the pickup time to warm-up.”

I grabbed my Bible and poured through the power of God unto salvation. The Holy Spirit convicted them of their need and both asked Christ to save them.

Then Teddy went out and shut his pickup off. For two hours they probed my husband and I with deeper spiritual questions than we ever had any other new believer ask. We examined the scriptures. It was obvious the Holy Spirit was illuminating. Awestruck, we rejoiced in the Lord’s work.

The following spring Teddy was killed in a work accident. His mother told me, “It was if he knew. He took two months off work and went and visited everyone who was important in his life.”

“I think he grasped the truth: We dare not beat-around-the-bush - people are dying.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/03/17
You have a nice foundation here. Your message is an important one for sure. I think maybe you tried to put too much into the story. That often happens with true stories. Facts are so important in our heads, but the reader doesn't need them all. I was a bit lost when you switched from the vivid details of the barrel race to Bear being grown up. I wasn't sure what happened to Nut or the importance of the little sister. It's possible I'm just a bit slow this morning. You have a lot of good things in here though. I think if you tweak it a bit, it'll be an incredible testimony. Keep writing. I'd also urge you to read and comment on as many entries as possible.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/03/17
After rereading, I think I figured out where my confusion came from. This line is hard to understand:
Her little sister and Bear hung out. When our younger daughter married Bear and her brother came to her wedding, showing up the night before at the rehearsal dinner.
Just by tightening it up some, you could help with the need to reread. For example: When our younger daughter married her sweetheart, she invited Bear and her brother to the wedding.
(Also a comma after the phrase When our younger daughter married, would make it easier to understand too. Otherwise, the reader might think she married Bear.)
It's a tiny thing, but being able to tighten your writing will launch you from a good writer to a fantastic one. Keep at it and don't get discouraged.