The Official Writing Challenge
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It's true that children experience God's joy in such simple pleasures, the milestones of growth and identity. This piece merits putting more into it, building anticipation with dialogue and imagery, with 'showing' rather than telling. Keep writing!
05/26/06
This is good, but I agree with the previous commenter. Make it more of a "show me" story. Also, separate into paragraphs for easier reading.
05/26/06
This is a good story, but it could have been a great story, easily. If you would have painted the story out for the reader with dialogue and emotion, it would have read much smoother.