The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/18/19
I liked the telling of the story. The application/devotional ending was okay but I suspect you could come up with a scripture application that is closer to your story. It's worth thinking about. Have fun waiting on the Lord to bring it to mind. (I don't mean this as criticism, but encouragement because the story is good.)
This started out very interesting, and I wondered what was the point of allowing everyone to hit their heads on the sign. I felt that the spiritual application really did not fit in with the vignette. Perhaps you could have woven it through the story, rather than tacked onto the end.
You pulled me in right away. I could picture the scene and related to the husband as I tend to be a bit slow on the uptake myself often tripping over the same thing several times before I learn. I often joke that God throws bricks at me to get my attention, partially because I'm slow on the uptake, but mainly because I'm stumble. Some of your transitions felt a wee bit sudden, but overall you did a nice job with an important message.
After reading the other comments, I can see where they are coming from, but I also see your point and why you made that connection. The line about everyone hitting their heads feels like it needs more. Perhaps a musing like: "If they know everyone whacks their head on the sign, why do they leave it there?" Since the husband had been whacked twice maybe he could make a connection with something like: "Hmmm, God knows that whacking my head hurts for a short time, but if I stumble spiritually, the repercussions are way worse than a knot in my head."
That was just a quick idea I had after reading the comments. It's not perfect, but might help you understand why they felt the way they did. Even if the husband didn't say those exact words, it's okay to use some literary license to make your points. I'm sure you both must have wondered why they didn't move the sign if everybody hits it. I did like the verse you selected. I think it's a nice fit for your message. For me personally, I prefer devotions that don't suddenly speak to the reader or include a moral to the story. Instead, know the reader will draw her own conclusion because the Holy Spirit will speak clearly to her. I think pieces like this are especially powerful because God can use it in many ways to speak to many different types of readers. Another option would be to put the Bible verse at the beginning of the piece. Although that can sometimes make people skip an article because it can feel too preachy. I also really like devotions that include prayers, so maybe add a prayer to reenforce the message. I think this piece has a lot of potential, and if you tweak it just a bit, it would be a great fit for FW devotions. If you haven't submitted your pieces in the past to the daily devotions, I'd encourage you to do so. They get sent out to many blogs, websites and to thousands of emails each day. I think your message is important, and I can feel your passion to spread the Word to others, so I hope you'll consider submitting it. It's a powerful piece.