The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Your story caught my attention and kept it the whole way through, but it seemed to cover a lot of ground given the limited word count. The final paragraph left me wondering exactly what had happened. I would love to know more!
05/24/09
Good story. Probably too many details for the average (me) reader to get hold of. Also, maybe it's just me but when you call Jennifer's mom, "Mom", it seems like you are changing your POV. Glad you and "Jackson" were able to survive this long ordeal. I know it wasn't easy.
05/24/09
Wow! What an intense scene there in the second half of your story! I'm glad mother and son got away okay!
Daniel started off sounding so great, but ended up being a monster! What a "before and after"--both for him and for Jennifer! I wish I knew a bit more about what happened to Daniel and Jennifer, though!

Nice writing!
05/25/09
Very intense. Having lived through similar scenes, I totally understood the fear. You made it all so very real. Good job!