The Official Writing Challenge
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Oh, this is good. And sadly too true for many people in the world. :( Good job.
Very powerful - and so sad that many have to deal with this! Excellent.
Your message was very clear and well put...I offer a small suggestion without ego here...maybe the poem would work better as a type of free-verse, with some rhyme scheme dotted here and there...I'm probably thinking this because of the serious nature of its content. Amazing how you delivered such an impact of history in so few words. Good job.
Very clever way of telling this piece of history. I liked the rhythm of the whole thing. Thanks for sharing. :)
Hi Mel!
I really like the irony in this poem - very well crafted! Your voice through the whole poem is excellent.
Here's some red ink:
I thought maybe a little more imagery would have made for a more interesting read. His scorn for Christianity could have been even more ironic with some vivid imagery.
I also felt like some of the rhymes sounded a little forced, like lead/proceed and way/stay.
The ending was great - the perfect ending to a perfect example of irony...
It's tough giving red ink to someone in master's, but I hope you know I share my thoughts with grace and love! :-)
I have also read your entry several times this week. The message is chilling but timely.
Your chilling message came across loud and clear.
This red ink is just one poet's opinion/preference for taking or leaving... I think that it is helpful to the reader to punctuate poetry much the same as prose, otherwise we're not sure when we are permitted a breath. I found the meter somewhat inconsistent, which, for me, impeded its flow.
What I think you did best was the enjambment, carrying a thought smoothly from one line to the next, not falling in to the trap of some who think that each line should contain a complete sentence, or at least pause with a comma at the end of each line.
If you wish to clarify any of my comments, my e-mail is in my profile, or I may be reached on the boards as hwnj.