The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/11/06
Watch out not to tire a reader with compounding details. Although it works for effect in the short essay, it becomes a nuisance to a reader or a listener.
05/12/06
A good illustration of what happens when one puts his hope in the wrong places.
What a sad story. This could be seen as an allegory. I did find afew spelling mistakes, but other than that you did a good job!
Creative take on the topic of hope! You handle words well and write succinctly. Now what you want to work on is the principle, "Show, Don't Tell." Rather than telling the reader, "Lilli only wanted the nice things in life...always pretended to be...more important than she really was," you can strengthen your writing by simply playing a movie with words. Let us hear some haughty dialogue, or see the toss of her head, or watch her spending hours perusing "House Beautiful" magazine. You've got a good start. Keep writing!
05/17/06
Lilli is a complex character. I thought it quite touching that she tried to make the best of her limited circumstances: inviting her friend to a simple meal, but doing her best to set a beautiful table. I think you've told an interesting story, within the word limits. God bless you!