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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: STORM (10/05/17)
We were standing under the awning of the high school, seeking shelter from the windstorm blowing through. Only minutes after reaching cover, my husband and I looked up to see our vendor booth canopy catapult over the stadium fence and engage in a full-out sprint across the football field. It progressed down the field like a graceful gymnast tumbling full-speed ahead to the end zone. Our eyes instantly met as our jaws dropped, and we simultaneously emptied our hands before bolting back out in the rain and sprinting across the field to tackle the wide-open tent headed for the goal line. It managed a sixty-yard gain before being taken down. If only I could be that light and agile on my feet! And just like that…our fresh-out-of-the-box, premier canopy was a total loss after only an hour’s use. Before the loss could totally sink in, my head turned to the booth, dry and protected only minutes ago, now standing exposed in the rain. A toppled display shelf flung honey, herbal oils and homemade soaps to the ground. The grass quickly lapped up the golden honey spilling out from broken jars. Soap was slipping and squirting out of our hands at every attempt of being collected from the rubble. Cards still stood where neatly placed on the table, soaking up rain water. Business cards, signage, flyers, email leads and contacts that had been collected, now waterlogged. With the canopy restrained and attempts made to salvage a few items, there we were under the covering of the locker room door with other vendors until the rain stopped, our clothes soaked and dripping puddles on the concrete where we stood. What just happened?

The dollar loss being tallied in my head wasn’t looking good. I remained stunned and in disbelief for several hours as to all the wasted effort and materials put into this event. Standing there in the rain, I had asked myself, “Is God trying to tell me this isn’t where He wants me?” After all, I did pray asking Him to bless this adventure before leaving the house. Okay, it was a hurried prayer, but I still asked for His blessings and for my works to glorify Him.

That evening, and the next morning, we sorted through the rain soaked mess. Turns out we could salvage a lot more inventory than originally thought. Neither the images or printed words of the cards were smeared. When dried, they still looked good despite the warps in the paper. Saleable? No. Good enough to be passed on to friends or as notes left in public places where their words could still be a blessing? Yes. The drenched email addresses, containing notes from conversations with booth visitors, dried without smear or ink run. Completely readable. Then there is the blessing not mentioned earlier. As we stood in the rain surveying the booth damage, our circling eyes landed on the observation beehive we had sitting on a folding table in the booth, still standing just as we had left it before evacuating. Now a couple thousand angry bees flying around among the other destroyed vendor tents and attendees… that would have been a disaster! What we experienced was only an expensive lesson in booth displays and tie-down strategies.

Many times, after a storm we discover the damage is not always as bad as we think. Sure, it may take time for things to dry out. Some will be lost forever, and with others we must use a gentle, careful touch to restore them as best we can. But God is right there standing beside us as we go through the process. Not only us, but others going through similar and even more devastating storms in life. We are thrown many flea flickers going up and down the field between goals and dreams reached and those missed. Some goals are easily reached after a small setback or two. But others… you just have to punt and carry on. When life doesn’t go as expected, and the path we are to follow goes directly through the storm without an alternate route around, rest assured God will be walking with you as you trudge through the muck and mud. If you look for the blessings God will provide during your journey, you might even find yourself dancing as you exit the storm!
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This article has been read 585 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jenny Fulton 
10/12/17
I love the imagery throughout this piece. Well done with the writing.

Red Ink: Pay attention to the placement of the characters and make sure to note when they move from one place to another. In the first paragraph, the characters went from just having tackled a tent on the football field to suddenly picking up slippery home-made soap at their booth.
Bonnie Bowden 
10/12/17
The title drew me and the story kept me reading. Your writing is full of wonderful images. I could see the canopy blowing down the football field and the angry bees flying around the booth.

I think a couple of the paragraphs could have been split into two and make sure to double-space between paragraphs.

I enjoyed your writing style and hope you will continue to submit entries.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
10/13/17
Good visual cues. The title was catchy. This piece had many nice descriptions.

A few run on sentences that sometimes interrupted the flow of your story.

Nice writing
Larry Whittington
10/13/17
Very fine writing.

You have had your "experience" and learned a lesson that you are passing on to others. That lesson is not just about how to secure a booth but how to learn from an unpleasant situation and come out with admirable attitudes.

You can use this story in other appropriate situations.

Keep writing.
Noel Mitaxa 
10/13/17
I loved your pictorial descriptions, though I'd have to agree that you need to break them into more paragraphs. (One idea or conversational input per para is a good basic rule.) I'll look forward to seeing more of your work, because you are showing some great word-skills.
Phillip Cimei
10/15/17
A very good story. You have the makings of a good writer.

I would like to just leave a little suggestion to make this a more impactful story.

First, I always try to use the MR approach. Motivation-Reaction. You had some great motivational prompts that would stir the five senses. that is what you want to convey. Your reaction. the visual picture of the effect of the canopy destroying your hard work.

You did a little, but I would have liked to have seen more emotional distress shown by your reaction.


Secondly, try starting out with a good hook. Make them wonder what will follow. Don't start out telling them.

An example would be as follows:

You had a flat tire on the way to an important meeting. Don't start out, "I had a flat tire on the way to an important meeting."

Rather, "I was standing there dripping with sweat, white shirt disheveled and splattered with tire soot. My heart pounding with consternation as I looked at my watch. I shook my head and wondered, "Would this flat tire destroy my future?"

Maybe not the best example, but the idea is to set the reader up to keep on reading.

Take everyone's ideas for improvement and run with it. I look forward to future dynamic stories. God bless.


Bonnie Bowden 
10/19/17
Congratulations on placing 1st in the Beginners category and moving up to the Intermediate level, Angela.

This story was well written and I look forward to reading more.
Salome Njunge
10/20/17
Keep it up.so motivating. When we are assured that God is with us we will never despair even inthe face of hard times.