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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: GOING HOME (from vacation) (09/03/15)
I'm glad to be going home at last. I've missed my house, my animals, my family. The past two weeks, spent at a beach in Florida, have been enjoyable, but I don't think I'd want to do that all the time. I miss my mountains and hills.

I've finished packing everything now, and the lady who runs the inn is tapping at my door. “Your taxi is here now, dear. Are you ready?”

I open the door and tug my suitcase into the hall. She leans over for a hug and gives me a quick kiss on my cheek. “Are you sure you've got everything, dearie?”

“Yes, Mrs Peters, I'm sure. Thank you for a wonderful fortnight.”

I roll the suitcase down the stairs – bump bump bump – and out to the taxi. The driver loads my things in the back and I climb in, giving him directions to the airport. “I remember you, miss, I picked you up on your way in. Did you enjoy your stay with your grandfather?”

I smile at him, nodding. “I did. And for the little while he was alive, he enjoyed visiting with me.”

The driver looks taken aback. “I'm sorry, miss, I – I didn't know. My condolences.”

“It's alright. Grandfather was ready to go. He was just glad he got to see me. They raised me, you know, my grandparents. My mother's side. It hurt worse loosing Nonna two years ago than it did when I got the letter that my mother had died. I just never knew her, you know? It's sad that I never got to meet her, that I lost my chance, but her death didn't affect me the same way. But we went to museums, and parks, and Grandfather cheered me on at a swimming match... I re-learned how to play tennis with my landlady, and I got to see where the monarchs go every winter.

“Sounds like you had a good time then.”

“We did. Grandfather loved the pictures I brought of my children, and he was fascinated by the marvel of Skype. He was so excited that he could actually talk to them.” I fell into silence, and the taxi driver drives on.


At the airport terminal I text Jessi, to tell him I'm getting read to head out. He responds with a picture of our four daughters and two sons bouncing around wildly. I can almost hear their excited squeals and cries of 'Mommy's coming home!'

I smile as I look around at the busy place, and the Florida sun outside. As much fun as this trip was, and even with all the memories this place has for me, I'm glad I'm leaving. This hasn't been my home for many years, ever since I made a promise to Jessi that I would marry him and stay with him as long as we lived. We raised our children up in the mountains, we made our home up there, and God willing, we'll stay there until we grow old and full of wisdom, and then we'll be wise enough not to leave.


I'm glad I'm going home.


((((This piece is fictional. Not intended to represent any person, living or dead.))))
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This article has been read 320 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Loni Bowden-Horn 
09/17/15
The opening line drew me into the story. I am not sure if the judges will consider this story on topic since your trip may not have been a vacation. Great flow to the story.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
09/17/15
Congratulations on your highly commendable rating in the beginner category.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/17/15
I like this piece. I was surprised that it was a piece of fiction. It felt really realistic. I liked how you added dialog. I'd urge you to put the conflict right in the opening paragraph. You really need at least one or two conflicts in a piece like this. Perhaps the MC is afraid of going home because it will mean Grandfather is truly dead, or she needs to come to terms with something that happened in her youth. You have a wonderful start here and definitely have a natural talent for writing. I urge you to keep writing and reading too. I found by reading and commenting on other stories, I learned what does and doesn't work for me. It's helped me grow as a writer and a Christian. I hope you'll keep writing and entering. I enjoyed this piece and look forward to more of your writings.