Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Purple (11/05/09)
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TITLE: Chains of Fire | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jeremy Kirby
11/05/09 -
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One voice stood out among the rest, a voice so booming, a voice so deep. One could have believed that this was an ancient monster, brought alive out of the ancestral lore of Ephesdammin.
I took one gulp of the warm ale, fermented just to my liking, 150 proof. My bloodstained beard sopped the runoff like a dry sponge.
I slammed the goblet down as eight of the puny philistine soldiers rushed me. Like a hammer, I dropped my right knee to the floor. I collected them all in one sweep of my arms, giving them the entire 9 feet and 6 inch expanse. I let my roar tear through their bodies as I lifted them off the ground, embracing them like the mighty python of the jungles.
“Enough!” shouted our commanding officer.
The cold wind swept in behind him, chilling even me.
“We have a big day tomorrow, we are going to finish the Israelites. We will see how big their God is.”
I let the eight men fall to the cold floor. I heard their bones make contact with the rock and I smiled to myself.
The dark clouds shrouded the moon and the purple night turned to black.
Ferociously, the wind whipped at my tent, I thought the anchoring ropes would snap. I felt the conviction flow down from the tops of the mountains and into my belly. Awake I lay all the night as the hail pelted our camp. It was as if the earth were angry at us, she demonstrated her fury against our presence here tonight. Instead of crying out to her creator like my heart was screaming at me to do, I clenched my 2 rows of teeth and tightened 12 fingers around my animal skins and tried to sleep.
When morning finally showed itself I rose from my frosty bed and meandered about until I found the dying fire of the night before. My head split, I had a thousand marching trumpeters pounding through my skull. I tossed a fresh log on the orange coals and sat, sharpening my heavy sword. The repetitious whoosh of every stroke eased my mind.
Morning passed too quickly. I wasn’t afraid of the battle, why would a bear be afraid of a bee? This day seemed different than the others, hmm.
We marched, we blazed our trail down to the valley of Elah. My armor seemed no heavier than a leather vest. My spear seemed no larger than a sapling, I felt as vulnerable as a lamb before the slaughter.
The rest was a blur. The pathetic Israeli ants cowered at my presence, my laugh ignited their fear, I smelled it in the wind. My confidence grew and I beat my chest in supremacy.
“Is there not one?” I yelled.
“Send one man to fight me, if he kills me we will be your slaves!”
A safe thing to promise, who among them possessed the strength or skill to be victorious over me, Goliath?
Then it happened, a young man, no a teenager. Merely a boy they sent to me. I bellowed a hideous laugh and seethed with this mockery at the same time.
Short work. As he pulled the pebble from its pouch, I raised my spear. I would surely nail this baby to the ground and then feel his bones crunch betwixt my teeth as I ate him for lunch!
I watched, as if in slow motion as that one tiny rock split the air around it, leaving a purple wake behind. Heat washed down my nose, onto my lips. My vision waved, in a dreamlike way the others stepped in around David. They were exquisite, beautiful creatures and as tall as I was. They were dressed like royalty, purple sashes crossing their developed chests.
The ground rumbled, I realized after a space that my body had fallen. I watched myself as little David picked up my razor-edged sword. He lifted it high over his head and let gravity pull the guillotine blade through my muscled neck and into the damp earth.
Purple to black, chains of fire.
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Many of the details are very strong, though some of them seem somewhat more mythical (the physical constraints of embracing and lifting 8 men). There are a couple of places where I think you could have done more with less and might suggest that you write out your numbers (2="two"), but, that said I was completely surrendered to the story and pacing.
Great job, I hope this is successful!
The color purple feels like it might be forced into it. Integral is the word.
I liked the imagery, especially the opening paragraph....the calm before the storm!