The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/02/09
Oooo... eerie! You built it up well for the ending.
scary! What happened
03/04/09
You need to do another "brick" because the one you left doesn't work. That might be why you don't have more comments.

Now, my comment: Good ghost story. It might be a good idea to check some of the words, like "passed" should be "past". Little things like that can throw the reader off. We end up trying to do corrections instead of enjoying the story.

Keep writing. You tell a nice story.
03/04/09
You need to do another "brick" because the one you left doesn't work. That might be why you don't have more comments.

Now, my comment: Good ghost story. It might be a good idea to check some of the words, like "passed" should be "past". Little things like that can throw the reader off. We end up trying to do corrections instead of enjoying the story.

Keep writing. You tell a nice story.
I like your story telling technique, the suspense is... wow, thrilling but I think you need to check the tenses or better still spell check.All the same, well done.