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TITLE: Shift work
By Christian Stafford

This is a satire. The message is there but you have to look.
Shift Work

1. Boss – matthew – ‘Short’
2. Secretary – Esther – ‘babe’
3. Accountant – James – ‘Sums”
4. New Manager appointee – Cameron – ‘Tall dark & handsome’

2 & 4 in a café. Looking at each other. Obviously attracted.

4: Hey babe.

2: yeah.

4: Fancy sharing a power lunch.

2: That’s a powerful proposal. You must quite an eater.

4: I’ve had jaw training. It means each bite I make increases my calorie intake by 50%.

2; Does that mean you can talk louder as well?

4: If necessary I can break glasses. And cups as long as they’re made of porcelain.

2: Hot stuff Babe. You sound like the person we need at work.

4: There’s a vacancy?

2: yeah. A new executive manager. You up on I.T?

4: I. T. is my middle name. Or is that ET? I have a very high E.Q. and even higher I.Q. I can mind my P’s and Q’s as well if I have to. I used to work for the FBI, MI5, SIS and MIB.

2: MIB?

4: Men in Black. I was the lead tambourine player.

2; Oh a musician! Oh how gorgeous! I think I better have another double shot Latte with light green milk sprinkled with cinamon.

4: Me too. Shaken not stirred.

2: Oh you’ve seen all the James Bond movies.

4: I was executive director for the last three.

2: Oh unbelievable. What a guy.

Scene 2

1: So you’re experienced in IT?

4: Yes and ET. I was the co-director.

1: We don’t make films here Mr Dark & Handsome. May I call you Tall?

4: Yes you may. Can I call you short?

1: You’re cheeky but I like it. I can see us going ahead with a man like you. Accountant! (Rings bell, James comes in) Arrange a Swiss bank account for Tall from the slush fund with access to three different Tax havens. I want this man set up for life.

3: is that wise Sir? That is a little illegal.

1: Illegal! That’s why we employ you. To make things legal. Now go and make it legal.

3: But sir.. I can’t cover up…

4: You heard the man! Now go. I’m the new Executive Director here. I’ll have you guillotined if you resist!

1; Guillotined? That’s a good one.

4: I keep one in my car. I find it useful in case of traffic accidents.

1: Right. Now can you do this and this and this……..(Shows him papers)

Scene 3

2: I’m tired. You’re getting me to do all your work.

4: That’s devolution and what’s the other word.. yeah that one. You need a power lunch.

2; I’m tired of power lunches. I’m always hungry afterwards. It’s not real food. Just vitamins and pills.

4: I thought you were more developed than this. I’m disappointed in you.

2: Oh! I’ll try harder. I will. Please give me another chance.

4: O.K. here’s the next batch of consents. Don’t read them, just do the sums and sign them.

2: But isn’t that wrong? I mean…

4: Just do it Babe. ……You’re the best. We’re so good together.

(She starts reluctantly, despairs of doing the work. Tall goes into Accountants office)

4: Sums. Here are some more forms. Fill them out by tomorrow and you’ll get a bonus.

3: But I haven’t finished these yet. Are we taking over Telecom and NASA tomorrow? With the help of Osama Bin Laden? How can that be legal?

4; It’s legal because you’ve signed the forms Sums. You have a good legal mind. Just use it.

(Sums shakes head and carries on.)

Scene 4 ( Short’ office with Short & Tall)

1: Well Tall. We’ve made four billion dollars in the last 2 weeks. I don’t know how you do it.

4; Well Short, it’s a matter of who you know, what you eat for breakfast, how you ride your exercycle, how you have your Latte. It’s style. No substance at all. Money isn’t real. It’s just an illusion we all believe in. You’ve just got to be faster than the next man. Sleight of hand, like playing cards. You have to bluff.

1: Incredible.

(A crash is heard. Babe rushes in.)

2: Sums has killed himself. The police are on their way. You’re lost all your money Mr Short. Tall has taken it all. And I’m pregnant.

4; This is all wrong. Let’s just shut our eyes and breathe deeply. It’s an illusion. ( Police enter and take him away as he is still screaming) It wasn’t me. The left hand didn’t know what the right was doing. It was someone else using my name…It can’t happen to me…

2: I guess we were hoodwinked.

1: You can say that again. I just wanted to be rich so badly.

2: And I wanted to be significant.

1: Maybe we could be very co-dependant and instead of looking at our real problems and sorting them out honestly we could fall in love and go on the dole and ……

2: Yes! That is very real choice. We could comfort each other and pretend it was all Tall’s fault instead of taking responsibility for our own foolishness…

1: That is a very real option. Shall we give in to temptation?

2: Let’s ask the audience! Do we take responsibility or not?

1: yes please let me be irresponsible. Do we have to take responsibility audience? Yes or No?
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