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SKITS


TITLE: Shift work
By Christian Stafford
07/09/06
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This is a satire. The message is there but you have to look.
Shift Work

1. Boss Ė matthew Ė ĎShortí
2. Secretary Ė Esther Ė Ďbabeí
3. Accountant Ė James Ė ĎSumsĒ
4. New Manager appointee Ė Cameron Ė ĎTall dark & handsomeí

2 & 4 in a cafť. Looking at each other. Obviously attracted.

4: Hey babe.

2: yeah.

4: Fancy sharing a power lunch.

2: Thatís a powerful proposal. You must quite an eater.

4: Iíve had jaw training. It means each bite I make increases my calorie intake by 50%.

2; Does that mean you can talk louder as well?

4: If necessary I can break glasses. And cups as long as theyíre made of porcelain.

2: Hot stuff Babe. You sound like the person we need at work.

4: Thereís a vacancy?

2: yeah. A new executive manager. You up on I.T?

4: I. T. is my middle name. Or is that ET? I have a very high E.Q. and even higher I.Q. I can mind my Pís and Qís as well if I have to. I used to work for the FBI, MI5, SIS and MIB.

2: MIB?

4: Men in Black. I was the lead tambourine player.

2; Oh a musician! Oh how gorgeous! I think I better have another double shot Latte with light green milk sprinkled with cinamon.

4: Me too. Shaken not stirred.

2: Oh youíve seen all the James Bond movies.

4: I was executive director for the last three.

2: Oh unbelievable. What a guy.

Scene 2

1: So youíre experienced in IT?

4: Yes and ET. I was the co-director.

1: We donít make films here Mr Dark & Handsome. May I call you Tall?

4: Yes you may. Can I call you short?

1: Youíre cheeky but I like it. I can see us going ahead with a man like you. Accountant! (Rings bell, James comes in) Arrange a Swiss bank account for Tall from the slush fund with access to three different Tax havens. I want this man set up for life.

3: is that wise Sir? That is a little illegal.

1: Illegal! Thatís why we employ you. To make things legal. Now go and make it legal.

3: But sir.. I canít cover upÖ

4: You heard the man! Now go. Iím the new Executive Director here. Iíll have you guillotined if you resist!

1; Guillotined? Thatís a good one.

4: I keep one in my car. I find it useful in case of traffic accidents.

1: Right. Now can you do this and this and thisÖÖ..(Shows him papers)

Scene 3

2: Iím tired. Youíre getting me to do all your work.

4: Thatís devolution and whatís the other word.. yeah that one. You need a power lunch.

2; Iím tired of power lunches. Iím always hungry afterwards. Itís not real food. Just vitamins and pills.

4: I thought you were more developed than this. Iím disappointed in you.

2: Oh! Iíll try harder. I will. Please give me another chance.

4: O.K. hereís the next batch of consents. Donít read them, just do the sums and sign them.

2: But isnít that wrong? I meanÖ

4: Just do it Babe. ÖÖYouíre the best. Weíre so good together.

(She starts reluctantly, despairs of doing the work. Tall goes into Accountants office)

4: Sums. Here are some more forms. Fill them out by tomorrow and youíll get a bonus.

3: But I havenít finished these yet. Are we taking over Telecom and NASA tomorrow? With the help of Osama Bin Laden? How can that be legal?

4; Itís legal because youíve signed the forms Sums. You have a good legal mind. Just use it.

(Sums shakes head and carries on.)

Scene 4 ( Shortí office with Short & Tall)

1: Well Tall. Weíve made four billion dollars in the last 2 weeks. I donít know how you do it.

4; Well Short, itís a matter of who you know, what you eat for breakfast, how you ride your exercycle, how you have your Latte. Itís style. No substance at all. Money isnít real. Itís just an illusion we all believe in. Youíve just got to be faster than the next man. Sleight of hand, like playing cards. You have to bluff.

1: Incredible.

(A crash is heard. Babe rushes in.)

2: Sums has killed himself. The police are on their way. Youíre lost all your money Mr Short. Tall has taken it all. And Iím pregnant.

4; This is all wrong. Letís just shut our eyes and breathe deeply. Itís an illusion. ( Police enter and take him away as he is still screaming) It wasnít me. The left hand didnít know what the right was doing. It was someone else using my nameÖIt canít happen to meÖ

2: I guess we were hoodwinked.

1: You can say that again. I just wanted to be rich so badly.

2: And I wanted to be significant.

1: Maybe we could be very co-dependant and instead of looking at our real problems and sorting them out honestly we could fall in love and go on the dole and ÖÖ

2: Yes! That is very real choice. We could comfort each other and pretend it was all Tallís fault instead of taking responsibility for our own foolishnessÖ

1: That is a very real option. Shall we give in to temptation?

2: Letís ask the audience! Do we take responsibility or not?

1: yes please let me be irresponsible. Do we have to take responsibility audience? Yes or No?
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