The Way to a Man's Heartburn
by Gerald Shuler
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Letha tipped the lid of the heavy cast iron pan so she could stir the savory stew. She glanced at Tillie, frantically setting silver on the table and adjusting each piece until it looked like a catalog picture.
“I’m so excited.” Tillie was nearly in flight as she scurried around the table. She just knew tonight was going to be perfect.
Letha put the lid back on and turned to her hyper room mate. “So, who is so important that you would go to this length to please him? Is there someone you are serious about?”
“Well,” Tillie smiled an impish grin. “Let me just say this could turn into something serious.”
“Who is he? Do I know him?”
“We work with him. It’s Todd Greyfeather.”
Letha almost dropped the spoon she was holding. Todd Greyfeather? She had dreamed of meeting him for ages but he always seemed just out of reach for a casual conversation at work. She looked at Tillie. How had such a scatterbrain hooked up with Todd?
Tillie tilted her head slightly, looking altogether too innocent. “Letha, what do you think of Todd?” she asked.
“He’s okay, I guess.” She couldn’t believe how calm she had stayed saying that. Inside she was seething with dark emotions she didn’t even know was in her. She wanted Todd. Tillie must be stopped. “Probably not your type, though” She reached into the spice cupboard and quietly pulled down some Firestarter brand pepper sauce. Without being obvious, a third of the bottle made its way into the stew.
“I told him about you.” Tillie smiled again. The hussy actually thought she could flaunt Todd in her face. The nerve… more Firestarter went into the stew.
“I’ll just be in my room while you two eat your stew.” Letha would have almost loved to be at the table when they took the first bite of what Todd would think was Tillie’s cooking. But she would resist. Her joy would be in knowing that it would be the last time Todd would want to be with Tillie. Just for good measure, she dumped the last of the Firestarter into the stew.
The doorbell rang.
“Well,” Letha said, “I’ll get out of your way.” She could barely contain her contempt. Tillie would suffer for what she was trying to do.
“Oh, no, Letha. Don’t leave.” Tillie grabbed Letha by the arm. “You need to answer the door.” She smiled another one of her irritating smiles. “I’m going to go see a movie.”
The doorbell rang again.
“You’re what?” Letha was stunned. “I didn’t think you guys were going to the movies.”
“Oh, not me and Todd… just me.” Tillie opened the door and let that gorgeous hunk of man come into the living room. “Hi, Todd,” she said. “I’d like you to meet Letha, your blind date for tonight. She makes the best stew you will ever taste."
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Ohhhh... that was painful. Her misplaced vindictiveness bit her back. Not sure if I feel sorry for her or feel like it serves her right! LOL
I love this one, Gerald! I've thought of it several times since reading it that first time and it gives me a chuckle every time. Great job!
OH, I LOVE it!! Definitely didn't see that coming! What a mind you have! hehehe
The green-eyes monster struck! UGH! So funny. Good writing!
The green-eyed monster has struck! What a great story!
ROFL! Poor thing...I wonder if she'll get a second date after all of that um, firestarter, was it? lol! This was hilarious-and I absolutely loved the way it was set up. Too fun! ^_^
You have exquisite taste in titles and writing. You really threw a curve at the end, and I loved it!
Wowzer, love it. Incredible as usual, Gerald. You always manage to twist it!
Gerald, this is Superb!! I was chuckling all through this and now I'm dying to know if Letha gets the guy after all that fire sauce stuff!
Now that's what I call poetic justice. Or, should that be "be sure your sins will find you out"? Super, I loved it!
Very creative...I love it! LOL!
Oh, I love it! I did NOT see that coming, and it made me choke on my Diet Coke. Perfect!
I love it.....Great story! God Bless You.
Oh the burn, oh the irony! Great writing as usual, Gerald!
This was hil_arious!! I can see their eyes watering already.