It wuz a cold and real dark night. Tha moon wuz ah hidin’ ‘round behind tha barn. This feller ( Ah call ‘im Nedd, but it ain’t me ‘cause ‘is here feller is named Nedd with two D’s on account ah this here story is a made up story) named Nedd wuz ah headed down ta tha barn ‘at tha moon wuz hidin’ behind tah check on his horses.
He had bunneld up real tight ‘cause it wuz colder’n snakes chestal regions ( ah used chestal regions ‘cause it makes tha story racey an’ folks lak ‘at kinda thang accordin’ tah Oprah) ‘an he didn’t want ta catch a death ah cold.
Jes when he got down tah tha barn ‘at tha moon wuz hidin’ behind, Nedd with two D’s heered a screechin’ sound. Now a screechin’ sound ain’t sah skeery when tha sun’s up an’ ya kin see real good, but lak ah said ‘afore it wuz ah cold and real dark night, so ‘at made it skeery.
“Whut in tarnation wuz ‘at?” Nedd with two D’s said, cept’n fer no one heered him ‘cause he wuz by hisself. First he figgered mebbe it wuz one ah them fellers whut died an’ then come back and walked ‘round with they arms out inna front of ‘em. Then he figgered mebbe it wuz one ah them fellers whut turned inta a bat when he wadn’t suckin' all tha blood outta some gal whut thought he wuz just romancin’ on her neck. Then he decided it wuz jus’ probly one ah tha horses had dun stepped on a loose board in tha floor ah tha barn ‘at tha moon wuz hidin’ behind.
Nedd with two D’s opened tha barn door real slow. He didn’t know why he opened tha door slow. He figgered it wuz on account ah that’s how they always dun it in tha late night skeery pitchers he watched after tha news an' weather on weekend nights. He went tah tippy-toein’ in so’s he wouldn’t get heered in case tha horse wadn’t tha one whut made tha screechin’ sound.
Then Nedd with two D’s went on an give tha horses some extry hay and went on back up ta tha house. He pulled off his britches an’ climbed under tha covers an’ snuggled up tah his wife Aquaneta with one T an’ slep’ all night, which wuz awlright ‘cause they had been previously nuptualed tagether in a real perty weddin' down at tha first church.
( Mah ‘pologies tah any folks readin’ this ‘at thought this heer story wuz gonna end up real skeery. Ah tried tah, but truth be told, ah hate skeery stories an’ ah couldn’ brang mahself tah havin’ Nedd with two D’s ner one ah his horses come to ah terr’ble end. )