Kids & Parenting
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Acquainted, Not Connected—Part 2
Growing up in my grandparents’ home was somewhat similar to Moses’ experience growing up in Pharoah’s palace. I was part of the ‘Peddie’ family. With the exception of my school teachers and classmates, Sunday school and youth group leaders, not many people knew my surname was not Peddie. To many, I was simply the granddaughter of Mr and Mrs Peddie. While my cousins were living with their parents I was living in the Peddie household. They were taking very good care of me but I didn’t truly belong. I was an extension of the Peddie family but wasn’t directly connected to that family.
Family Connection
I am associated to many fathers. Some I can go to for fatherly advice while I simply monitor the behaviour of others towards their children. I am acquainted to them but I am not connected to any of them. I may have the pleasure of calling one or two of them ‘Dad’ out of respect for their role as the fathers of my friends but I will never experience from them the love that they share with their children. The same is true of the mothers I am able to go to for advice. Therefore, I am acquainted to many families but I am not connected to any of them.
In looking at the above situation, I realised why I often feel disconnected in many other settings. Let’s take the country I live in. I moved to this country as a teenager. I’ve met a lot of people since then and had the opportunity to travel to other places domestic and international where I made more acquaintances. I’m acquainted with the people I come in contact with on a regular basis but I am not truly connected to any of them. Some are people I’ve worked with, Volunteers I’ve served with, teachers who have taught me, leaders who have led me but they are restricted to the area of my life that I choose to let them have access to or areas of my life where God allows them access.
A connection is more than just knowledge of someone. It is a relationship that goes deeper than that of an associate or an acquaintance. Being able to share one’s heart with one’s own parents cannot be done the same way with the parents of one’s friends or with other people in a leadership role in one’s life. There would be an element of inappropriate behaviour somewhere along the line.
Social Media Connection
We are electronically ‘connected’ to many people via the world wide web. Some of these people we will never exchange more than an annual ‘Happy birthday!’ or ‘Congratulations!’ or ‘Condolences’. There isn’t a true connection in the real sense of the word. Out of that lack of connection comes the feeling of ‘I don’t truly belong.’ The same can be said of developing a meaningful relationship with your in-laws. There is a feeling of loneliness which comes from that lack of connection. There are issues of confidence…How much can I say…? How far can I go…? How do I know what will make him/her happy or sad? How will I avoid offending if I don’t know their likes or dislikes? There are numerous questions which can form part of the many obstacles we face (whether we create them or not) in trying to develop friendship as we mature in life.
Parent-Child Connection
A child who grows up in a loving caring home with his or her parents will grow up connected to their parents. From that connection they will be connected to other family members, relatives and friends as well as the people within the community. The child then grows up making friends along the way. He or she gets to know the families of those friends, and the community around that child gets wider and stronger. That’s true connection and an individual thrives in such an environment.
It therefore goes back to the home. If in the beginning there is no true connection then there will be a real struggle as the journey continues. So with marriage week 2015 behind us, I now speak out for the voiceless among us: the youth of today—our leaders for tomorrow.
Dear parents, our children need connection with their families and surrounding community. Husbands and wives, it is important that you take time out for each other—investing in your marriages. Children learn by watching their parents. If you aren’t showing love to each other in your homes you are doing an injustice to your child or children. Children need their mothers and fathers to stay together. It is part of the security provided for them. It is part of how they gain their confidence in themselves, the world around them and in God’s Word. If you neglect your spouse in any way, it is an opening for the enemy to enter into your marriage and wreak havoc in your lives. So please take time out for your marriage. The best thing you can do for your children is to love each other so invest in your marriage.
If you are a single parent, you have the opportunity to finish well by doing the next best thing you can do. If separated by death help them to understand who their other parent was and keep that parent’s memory alive. If separated by divorce, help them to understand the reason their parents are no longer together, there can be beauty from the ashes of your past. Nothing you have gone through is wasted. There are valuable lessons to learn from those experiences. Use them to motivate you into doing the best that you can for your children. They are part of you and their other parent. Do not allow bitterness from unresolved issues to cause you to speak ill of their other parent and poison their minds against that individual. Wherever and whenever possible, allow them to see their other parent and develop or re-develop that connection/bond. You can finish well and give your children a better start in life than you may have had—one that brings honour to God.
Reader Question (s):
What can you do to develop a meaningful relationship with your children, despite the difficulties you may be facing?
If loneliness from an unhealthy relationship or grief from a separation is hindering your relationship with your children, will you consider getting professional help to help you get back on track so you can be the parent your child/ren need you to be?
What we display before our children, they will emulate. So we must understand that we play a big part in how they treat us now and how they will relate to us in the future. What we do while they are developing influences the decisions they will make in the future. We may not see the need to invest in them today but we must remember that we are writing the future with every choice that we make today.
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