A friend recently sent me a computer generated image composed of alphabetical letters. The image was that of a man walking. I was asked to send it on to others, because the man was walking for Jesus. Well, I'm selective regarding what I pass on. I do not believe the "man" was walking for Jesus, so I did not send it on, but I did have some humorous thoughts about it. These I now share with you.
Is it possible that the sci-fiers are correct when they claim that computers eventually will gain an independent intelligence and dominate the world? Can anyone explain how the movement of the computer image of a man walking is created on the web? Can it be that the Walking Man is the first member of a fictitious, computer-generated mega-army, intended to march upon and conquer earth's web system and thus control every aspect of our lives?
Could such walking men actually exist? Could they be walking through your computer programs and sites right now disguised as viruses? If so, is it possible that, even now, one of them may have paused from his walking and is observing you through your computer screen? You never can tell; after all, he'd be able to see you, but you couldn't see him. Perhaps such questions are unanswerable by the average person. Perhaps the answers involve a mystery only the world's Frankensteins can fathom.
Of course, you undoubtedly think that the above is composed tongue-in-cheek. However, should you be concerned that what I am writing may actually come to pass, it then becomes your civic duty to at least attempt to capture the Walking Man and bind him over for trial on charges of sabotage and treason against mankind. You must convene a jury of his peers - whoever they may be - and make certain that it finds him guilty. Never mind concern over his civil rights. Non-existent walking men have no civil rights.
Finally, you and you alone must pronounce sentence on him, since it was your computer through which he peeped at you, making you the first victim of the computer generated Walking Man peeping Tom.
Perhaps you are unaware that the Walking Man is the master of the Milky Way's Big Bear and Little Bear. If he chooses to visit you, make sure that he doesn't bring them along. They'll keep you awake all night. Oh, how that Little Bear howls! And the Big Bear growls so loud, that he often shakes stars from the hangers that attach them to outer space. As they fall, he bats them with one of his gargantuan paws, sending them streaking across the sky with long flaming tails. We call them "shooting stars." What they actually are, are "Big Bear Batted Stars."
Never, ever give the bears a drink of milk from the Dippers, even if the Walking Man insists on it, as he well may do - he's very partial to his bears. Should you weaken and offer them a drink from the Dippers, you'll have a mess on your hands; the bears are sure to spill the milk.
"Well," you might say, "I'll just have the Walking Man clean up the mess."
Is that so? Why do you suppose he's called the "Walking Man"? He's has never yet taken responsibility for what his bears do. He just walks away their messes. Now mull that over for a while!
You must have heard of all the snow that falls on certain areas of the world. Astronomers once thought they were frozen droplets of water. They were in error about this. Recently, they discovered that snow actually is composed of the frozen droplets of milk that the Big Bear and Little Bear spill from the Dippers. When the astronomers complained to the Walking Man about what his bears are doing to the climate, he just walked away without saying a word.
Campers also face a problem with the milk drinking, celestial bears, especially campers who do not sleep under a tent. They often awake in the middle of the night thinking they're in a cold sweat, not aware that the "cold sweats" really are the fault of the Walking Man and his bears. Instead of having them drink milk directly from the Milky Way, he permits them to use the Dippers, something at which they are extremely clumsy. They, therefore, spill milk all over the campers and the rest of humanity. Now, that's some milk bath; and in the middle of the night, yet!
Sadly, the situation is growing worse! There now is a large army of walking men. They are planning the eventual imprisonment of all humanity in what they call, The Electronic Online Website Camp. Cadres of walking men and their milk-drinking bears already are trained to guard these camps.
Can anything be done to remedy the situation? Possibly. To finance their take-over of earth, the walking men hope to sell the moon's green cheese at an enormous profit. Should earthlings purchase enough of the 500 hundred pound rounds of this cheese on a monthly basis, the walking men and their partner, the Man in the Moon, would realize that their plan to imprison humanity would destroy their cheese enterprise. After all, who would be left to purchase the cheese? They also would become aware that, since they no longer would be siphoning from the Milky Way, the six hundred thousand gallons and one-sixteenth cup of milk required monthly to make the cheese, certainly would cause the Milky Way to overflow and inundate the earth.
Now you may consider this to be fantasy. No! Several hundred thousand times no! It is not! Astronomers recently concluded that the reason for the moon's monthly phases are these monthly chunks of green cheese torn from it by the walking men and their bears. Please be aware that the survival of earth depends on our consumption of this fictitious green cheese. Also know that, eventually, the walking men and their bears will destroy the moon by harvesting too much green cheese. The moon will no longer exist. Dogs and wolves will have no full moon to howls at. Lovers will have no full moon to spoon under. Mankind will be so full of green cheese that physicians will become inundated with patients who have suffered the well-known symptoms of having eaten too much cheese - green or otherwise.
And all because no one ever noticed that the first Walking Man was a computer generated fantasy that never existed.
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