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My Spirit Grieves
by Janice S Ramkissoon
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My Spirit Grieves
By Janice S Ramkissoon
7th May 2011

I see the state of the world and my heart grieves…

In a world filled with hatred, our children face the spirit of envy; jealousy; pride; greed; sexual immoralities; idolatry etc. This way of life has become the norm and not the exception. With these examples we are just beginning to touch the surface of the spirits that are being released into our youth from broken homes. The spirits grow and multiply as the children grow into their adult years and begin to have children of their own.

My heart aches for the children growing up without love. They have no understanding of what a loving relationship looks like because our homes have become battlefields, churning out wounded souls into society. Wounded children become adults with ‘issues’ we term as baggage. They struggle through life in their relationships, their friendships, their marriage, parenting and other ministries. The cries go out from a frustrated partner, “Lord, what else can I do? Must I bear it all?" Others cry for help, sometimes in silence, because the angry partner uses his/her fist or foot to speak. Still others turn to alcohol, drugs or unfaithfulness for comfort. Children hide, fearful for their lives. They grow up and imitate their parents/carers and the vicious circle rotates. How do they show love if they do not know what it looks like?

Too many mothers and fathers are grieving the loss of their children who are dying from toxic dosage of hatred. These children look to their peers to receive what they lack at home/ what they are missing. Then when their needs are unmet, they turn their anger towards each other, and they embrace weapons such as knives and guns as their best friend—their protector. Wives and husbands are grieving the death of their marriage lost to domestic violence, adultery and abuse in its varying forms and from plane old being taken for granted.

Lives are lost in battle. Dreams die in battle. Prison and the mental homes become a welcome respite for the weary soul and unfortunately, some are lost to suicide. They live in a world that is so cold that they go seeking love in any direction the wind takes them. Not many find the true source of love and so they are left feeling discontented, discouraged, frustrated, depressed, lonely and afraid. They often feel that life is not worth living. Then finally, they realise that there is more to life than what they have been exposed to. They recognise that God is not a myth and they turn to the church for guidance. Some are hanging onto the hope that God really does exist and can mend their broken hearts. Therefore, they turn to the church seeking direction. They enter the church as broken vessels, hoping that somehow the pieces will be put back together.

Now I see the state of the church and I weep…

These broken vessels are searching for love and they seek peace but know not where to find it. “I have peace like a river. I have joy overflowing. It’s His love, its contagious. Jesus is everything and all that I need."—The chorus of a song I wrote. Still my heart aches for these broken vessels—these lost children.

Then I Pray

I pray that the love that God continues to pour into me will continue to flow through me so that others will catch a glimpse of glory and connect with the true source of love—God. I want to let them know that they too can experience the joy that I have. I pray that when I share with them, they will understand that it did not happen overnight for me, and hope that it will help them to prepare for the journey ahead, with all its challenges.

I reminisce

It took many years of heartache and pain; being rejected by my peers. I had to learn how to love like my Father loves: praying for those who persecute me and spitefully use me; using my lips to bless and not curse them. I had to learn how to forgive like my Father forgave: forgiving and showing love to those who have hurt me along the way. I had to learn how to give and receive: I was happy to give but would find it difficult to accept the kindness of others. However, I learned humility and watched the blessings of God flow through my life as He poured out His love on me through the kindness of others.

My story
In total submission, I gave Him my all and in return, He gave me a new start. It started when I understood the power of forgiveness. I learned to forgive and it freed me to live. I want these lost and dying souls to learn that they too have this gift within them. I want them to understand that forgiveness is the key to their freedom to live again. My hearts desire is to be used by God—helping others to stand again. I want to help them understand that broken vessels are being mended each moment of the day, by the power of God’s love.

I caught a glimpse of the root of what causes my spirit to grieve:

I learned that the conditions/situations in the home set the scene in society. Home is the training ground. The type of training received at home determines the type of leaders we have in the church, in the community, in the political arena and in the work force. Many broken vessels are in our churches, all seeking the Physician’s help. They are wounded soldiers in need of care. The weak need help to stand again. The strong need encouragement to keep standing and we all need the courage to stand—Courage to say no to temptation and yes to salvation. Many fellowships are like hospitals, filled with patients but having no doctors to make a diagnosis. Others are filled with nurses who dress and tend to the wound, but not equipped to see beyond the surface and to detect and then deal with the root cause. The broken vessels remain unhealed and through their brokenness and inability to recognise their potential in Christ, they continue to inflict pain on others.

Change begins with me—Personalise it!

I have come to understand that change in society begins with change in the home, and change in the home begins with an individual call. We have to get back to the way God intended it to be. Fathers need to take up their rightful place as leaders in the home, caring for their wives and teaching their children in the way of the Lord. Mother’s need to get back to nurturing their young and wives need to be allowed to carry out their wifely duties. Parents need to lead by example. The time for change is now. We have to personalise it and say, “Change begins with me.” We have to make the decision to break the chain of bondage which held our fore-parents bound. We have to be willing to be the one to make a difference. We might not have had the love of our parents [though most did love us and just did not know how to show it] but we have so much at our disposal in the way of educating ourselves and our children—far more exposure than our parents or grandparents had. We can start by educating ourselves on how to be better parents and making a difference in the lives of our children. It is time to say, “Enough is enough! The buck stops here.” We have the opportunity to influence the next generation of leaders. Let us make a start today.

It is a personal journey. It is with me and God. It is with you and God. Each of us make up the church, so we should not point the finger at another individual or group/ministry within the church. When the log is first removed from our eyes we can see clearly to help our brothers and sisters with the spec in their eyes. One songwriter says, “Take a look at your life and you will see others differently…put you’re hand in the hands of the man from Galilee…” Though we each have our own cross to bear, recognising that pain will reach all of us [regardless of our financial status, our culture, race etc.], God wants us to bear each other’s burdens. However, we cannot be effective in helping others until we allow God to clean us up first. It is imperative that we submit to God and allow Him to do surgery on us.

Many of us have so much hurt and pain that we cannot operate effectively and we will not be able to move forward until we understand and get to the root of our pain, deal with it and then allow God to do His healing work in us. So let us begin by submitting our will to His will and allow Him to teach us day by day, how to walk in His will, so that we can love others the way that He loves us.

Love is contagious. Once you experience true love you cannot keep it to yourself—you just have to share it. In sharing, you will ignite the fire in others and we will burn brightly for Jesus. God bless you on your journey.

Your sister in Christ

© Janice S Ramkissoon, 2011

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