Balancing Act | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Balancing Act | Previous Challenge Entry
By Bonnie Kronberger
05/25/23
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My fifty-year-old son and I have an ongoing conversation about walking the walk and talking the talk. We view the same scriptures but it seems through a different lens. Is that possible? We both sincerely want to view God’s Word through the eyes of Jesus.

The Bible speaks to all mankind, but man alive, we’re created with such different personalities and life experiences. Yet Jace and I want the same thing—truth and understanding of what to stand for and how to live it out.

We have a pact. Speak truthfully, openly to each other, without fear of offense or anger—allowing ourselves to hear and say what the Lord is teaching us. Sharpening each other as iron sharpens iron. Sometimes there are a few sparks and we can feel the heat, but no fires have been lit, except the flame of wanting to know Christ deeper.

My son is intense and passionate about being a Christian. He hates sin. A long marriage recently ended after years of a house divided. The home was contentious, battling over inappropriate behavior, child rearing, and dishonesty. I write of this because his intensity of correction seemed harsh from the outside looking in. His countenance and volume when talking about right and wrong caused people to be uncomfortable and defensive. Me included.

“ A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

But I know his heart. His lens sees mostly black and white. Yet God has been showing him hues and tints as Jace sees more of Jesus in his search for truth. He’s feeling safe, seeing the color of love as a strength, not a stumbling block—rich and deep, without condemnation.

So that takes us to our current ongoing debate. Is his intensity wrong? Jace thinks our culture is too soft and sensitive, so his intensity makes most people uncomfortable. Their discomfort should be their problem, not his. He’s challenging them with God’s truths. But I’ve seen and heard his intensity spewing harsh words on his children and wife. It feels like anger and intimidation to me and I want to escape. Is it not possible to make the same point sounding less vitriolic. I’ve been on the other side of his intense shouting to make a point that can’t be conceded. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and I don’t like it.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

I am gentle, kind of a Pollyanna. I hate conflict, and like an ostrich bury my head in the sand if at all possible. I think I speak up to my family and friends, but I prefer to keep relationships non confrontational. I suppose, sometimes to a fault. So I receive Jace’s admonition that I be bolder, more outspoken on the Word of truth.

I really want to see Jace’s intensity as a gift from God. He has many amazing loyal friends who would give their life for him, literally. He is a man of integrity and righteous living. That is part of the problem. He has little tolerance because he hates sin and loves God’s Word. That’s a good thing, but if his demeanor seems harsh, his influence is tainted. A gentle answer has its place. What about meekness—strength under control? God will use and bless gentleness or it wouldn’t be a fruit of the spirit. I think it’s possible for Jace’s zero tolerance policy to put him, unknowingly, into a place of judge and jury. His argument is he’s got to be intense because it’s TRUTH.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Jesus spoke truth but with varying levels of intensity. So maybe that is the hope—that the Lord give discernment regarding the level of intensity for different situations for Jace. Control it. Don’t let it control. Forgive the people who feel the intensity is mean-spirited. Instead, show them truth and intensity tempered with gentleness.

The path we are walking has a ditch on both sides. I can’t let gentleness become apathy. Jace can’t let intensity become pride. We walk a slippery slope of imbalance that can cause us to slip into a muddy mess of disobedience. May our hearts continue to search the truth of the Word, and may we be willing to surrender our fleshly inclinations to a higher calling.

“May we choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong,
And never be content with half truth when whole truth can be won.”
West Point Cadet Prayer

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