Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Proverbs 15:1 (05/18/23)
-
TITLE: Smoldering | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Lawrence
05/23/23 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
I’d thought my boss was my friend as much as my employer. She confided in me. Actually asked me to meet with her husband and explain to him the importance of friendships. I was flattered by her invitation to her home for a BBQ so our families could meet. I knew she was the boss and I was the secretary, but she was also an athletic coach and trained counselor—a mentor. She was curious about my close friendships and we had significant conversations that made me feel she knew me well.
That’s why her offended glare and insulting speech shocked me. “The very idea of suggesting you would leave is unprofessional! And unethical! How could you!”
How could she speak to me so harshly? What was unethical in my accepting a position in a department better suited to my personality? She was the professional. She’d given me personality and motivational tests.She knew what a people-pleaser I was, how low I scored on assertiveness—so low that acting assertive made me feel guilty. If she’d said, “Please don’t leave at this time. I really need your help. It’s the middle of the season and you’ll be leaving me in the lurch,” I would have quickly realized that was true and stayed. But instead of appealing to my naturally acquiescent nature she chose to strike me with guilt and harsh condemnation.
I agreed to stay but the friendship turned to ashes.
Anger like I’d never experienced before scorched my soul. I was consumed with being wronged. I was so blinded by the smoldering fire, I didn’t seek counsel from my co-workers. They were friends. They understood the situation, but dared not speak.
I went to work day after day, did what I was told—and mentally shot daggers at Betty. She acted as though nothing untoward had happened. I hated who I had become. I knew I couldn’t go on working with Betty. I went to the Personnel office of this Christian university and talked to sweet, inexperienced Sue, pouring out my despair of this impossible situation.
I cried, I confessed. How have I become this angry woman? I had no idea I was capable of such intense feelings of wrath. Where is the grace I so badly need?
“How can I keep working for Betty when she has turned me into a nasty woman,” I asked Sue. She was sympathetic and suggested we pray and then give God some time to work. So we did.
I left her office feeling heard and understood but ashamed of myself—and still out of control. As I walked home that day I had plenty of time to think and talk to God. What is fueling this anger? Why isn’t it dying out? Where is the grace I need to stay at this job?
And then, to my astonishment—God gently answered! I heard Him in my smoke-blinded brain. God gives grace to the humble, but resists the proud. Suddenly, I realized God was graciously, gently, telling me my anger was as ugly to Him as Betty’s unfair harsh attack was to me. Immediate repentance. Immediate grace. The anger dissipated instantly. The smoldering flame—snuffed by the breath of God.
I phoned Sue as soon as I walked in the house and told her what happened. “Wow! That was a quick answer!” she said.
I ended up working for Betty for another year-and- a-half before finally transferring to my desired job in the Music Department. The anger was gone, but so was that friendship.
I wondered why my two co-workers and my husband did not rebuke me for my anger. “We knew you’d work it out,” they said. That’s friendship!
Well, this took place over forty years ago and what I worked out is this. We will often justify or defend our own sin when someone, even a friend or spouse, points it out to us. But when God speaks, especially in a gentle voice, we have no defense.
God’s quick definitive answer transformed my intense anger into ardent joy—joy of being heard and known and loved by God, my never-failing Friend.
Proverbs 15:1; James 4:6
Non-fiction
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
Well done and I loved the wrap-up and message.
Blessings~