Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Hear / Here (01/26/23)
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TITLE: Them's Fighting Words | Previous Challenge Entry
By Corinne Smelker
02/02/23 -
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From: [email protected]
Subject: Them’s fighting words
My dearest Strumpet:
How absolutely lovely it was to see you last week. I know it was not in person, but FaceTime is wonderful. I wish I could have seen you in demon, but I am so busy working with Our Father Below. Did I tell you that he has put me in charge of teaching a new class? I have titled it “Time Wasters of the 2020s.” YouTube is so 2000s! TikTok is where it’s at! Those 30-second reels are just perfect for pulling in young (and old) minds. Then with a slight nudge, they go to the next, and the next, and the next. Before you know it, our work is done, and we’ve created a horde of addicts. I fully expect to see TikTok’s creator down here in the very special VIP level of hell when his time on earth is up.
I have given some thought to the question you broached in our FaceTime conversation regarding your mortal and his desire to really study The Enemy’s word in-depth. I was most distressed when you said he is considering getting a theology degree. Perish the thought! And actually, we can indeed perish that thought if we play our cards right. Our Father Below has instructed us senior devils to read Our Enemy’s book because he claims we must ‘know our enemy.’ I really don’t want to, but he is the boss. I must say that reading that tripe has opened my eyes to some things about homo sapiens as a species.
One thing these creatures do so well is argue. They will argue over almost anything; do you recall the blue-black/white-gold dress that took the internet by storm? That was us! I almost thought it would cause an international incident. Anyway…
Remember how I wrote about your previous charge who wanted to get baptized, and I suggested you get her involved with people who could not agree on the type of baptism or the words to be used? I have discovered that I know more about Our Enemy’s Bi– Bib– … you know, THAT book, than most of his followers do.
That blasted Paul wrote to one of his most avid devotees and said, “Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them.”* Can you believe it? It beggars belief sometimes. How can we beat the little beasts into submission if they read things like this?
So, I suggest you use the same technique you used on your baptism earthling but with a slightly different application. Talk to some of your fellow tempters and see whether any of their bipeds believe something that, on the surface, looks completely different (but that we know is fundamentally the same). If so, ensure several of them meet and start discussing these ‘profound theological truths’ (honestly, their earnestness and deluded sense of self are enough to make me sick), and let the words fly. In the heat of the moment, I can guarantee they will forget all about that idiot’s caution to stop fighting over words, and they’ll be so loud they won’t be able to hear themselves think. Before long, and with careful plying on your side, you’ll get your creature to disavow the idea of theology at all costs.
It has worked so many times before. You’d think these hominids would learn from their ancestors. But of course, we have the greatest offenders right here, bemoaning their stupidity and cupidity.
I hope this helps you. I do expect shortly to hear that you have met with great success!
Well, that’s enough for now. I am off to watch some TikTok – what a feather in our caps that is!
With love,
Auntie Diabolica
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In tribute to C. S. Lewis and “The Screwtape Letters.”
*2 Timothy 2:14
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