The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 514 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
02/03/23
What an amazing story! You did a great job telling it, and I hope this places!
02/03/23
Great testimony.
Well crafted and communicated. It flowed smoothly, started and ended well.
Wow - this would make a great movie. Thanks for sharing. Blessings
I really liked this powerful testimony. It touched my heart. I wasn't sure who was speaking at first. Some experts say never start with dialog. I don't agree with that, but do think you need to identify him sooner. The first part had great details, dialog, and emotion. Then in telling the back story, you switched from showing to telling. Since this is a true story, it's harder to know what moves the story forward since it all is so vivid in your head. This piece could be even stronger if you continued the showing by using dialog, body language, and thoughts. Although you do run the risk of POV shifts like you did when you jumped into Carl's head about feeling empty. But you could have Carl tell his salvation story right there (in creative nonfiction, you do have wiggle room as far as dialog and body language since it's impossible to remember every detail exactly). If that didn't feel right, you could do a flashback where the MC remembers when Carl shared those details. By doing it either way I mentioned, you can continue that excellent path of description that's in the first part. You pulled me in and held my attention to the end. I can feel your love for Carl and God. It's oozing (in a great way) from the page right into my heart. This was an interesting read.