Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Allowed - Aloud (01/05/23)
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TITLE: I Did Not Say That! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Lawrence
01/11/23 -
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I enjoyed the pleasant lunch and conversation. However, that evening I heard Chuck telling a visiting friend, Jeanine, about how disturbing the conversation had been to him.
Chuck said, “He kept referring to the guys as ‘her’!”
“What??” I jumped in, totally puzzled.
“I don’t trust his motivation. Something’s not right. You heard him referring to the guys as ‘her.’”
“No, I didn't!” I argued, frustrated with his determination to be suspicious. This was back in the 1980’s, when ‘homosexuality’ was still mainly mentioned in a whisper. “I was there too and I didn’t hear 'her’!”
Jeanine didn’t say anything. Chuck and I, embarrassed about our outburst and disagreement in front of a guest, dropped the subject.
Later, when Jeanine and I were alone she asked me, “ Do you and Chuck experience this kind of ‘hearing and not hearing’ often?” I confessed that I sometimes wondered if Chuck was telling the truth—or if I was just crazy.
Jeanine hesitated before responding. “I believe Chuck has the gift of discernment. I recognize it because I’ve been given this gift also. The Spirit sometimes allows us to hear what a person is thinking, not what they’re saying. I can see this is unsettling to you but I’m telling you this so that you may give Chuck the benefit of the doubt when it happens.”
I tucked away that little hint about the possibility of unallowed thoughts being heard aloud—by those with a God-given gift. I found the idea somewhat unnerving.
Sometime later, Chuck and I spent the evening with other friends, the Ericksons, and had a fairly enjoyable evening. However, I spent too much time silently staring at my lap, uncomfortable with what I heard as Chuck pontificating, but all in all it was a peaceful evening . . . I thought.
On the drive home I could tell Chuck was ticked off and I tried to think why. It took some coaxing, but Chuck finally told me why he was angry. “I heard you when you mumbled, ‘That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.’ And in front of the Ericksons!”
What?! There is no way I would have said such a thing. I may have thought it—but I would never have allowed myself to voice such a thought aloud. The Ericksons would have been shocked–and so would I.
If Chuck’s hearing of what I didn’t say was part of the discernment gift—it was very disconcerting.
It turned out Chuck was right about Roger’s troubling gender confusion. And Chuck was right that I had uncomplimentary thoughts as we visited with our friends, but I know I did not speak those thoughts aloud!
There were a few other frustrating similar incidents. Chuck was sure of hearing what he heard and, as far as I know, was unconvinced the unallowed words had not been spoken aloud.
If this is a gift, I leave it for the Spirit to unwrap when I join Chuck in heaven.
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