Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: ODD (02/20/20)
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TITLE: Pondering a Particular Peculiar Perspective | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Lawrence
02/26/20 -
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Perhaps I need to use a word other than death to make my longing to be with Jesus less jarring to people. I think Paul, the New Testament writer, would understand my desire to be absent from my body so I can be more closely present with the Lord. However, I know he would also urge me to patiently and boldly live for Jesus here and now, doing what I can as a citizen and ambassador of Heaven living in a foreign land. So, rather than being eager for death perhaps I am eager to go home? Would that terminology be more acceptable?
Introducing myself to a woman sitting next to me in church, we discovered we were both widows. She offered me sympathy. When I said, “Well, my husband was very eager to see Jesus, so I can only be glad for him,” her raised eyebrows and widened eyes told me my thinking was probably at odds with her view. But the service began and the conversation ended.
However the conversation continues in my head. But now it’s the Lord’s perspective I seek. I do not want to be at odds with my Lord’s logic. I remember a conversation Amy Carmichael recorded of a conversation with her Savior. “‘What is death?’ she asked. The Savior answered, ‘I will come again and receive you unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.’ She repeated those peaceful words, ‘I will receive you unto Myself. . .’ and she wondered why men had given so harsh a name as death to anything so gentle as that which those words signified. They seemed melodious to her, each word like the pure note of a bell. . .”
That image remains in my head. My friends and family shake their head at knowing I do not take advantage of annual physical exams or colonoscopies or mammograms. But what would be the point when I have no intention of doing anything to extend my lifespan. Neither do I believe in ending a life. The timing is up to the Lord. I know I can’t speed up His timing. But neither will I do anything to slow it down.
As a child of God I hope and long for my death, anticipating it as a reward for a race well-run, a win after a fight well-fought, and a rest after service well-done.
Jesus said to come to Him and I will not be hungry; believe in Him and I will not thirst. But I do come and I do believe and yet I still hunger and thirst for more. For oneness with Him, for wholeness, completion, perfection. For something that cannot be satisfied with less than being face to face with my Lord. That’s why most of my adult life my soul and spirit groan, “How long, O Lord? When can I die and be with you?”
I am not depressed. I am not suicidal. I am simply weary with longing. And with the Spirit I cry out, “Come quickly, Lord Jesus!” And since His “quickly” is not quick enough for me, I cry, “Can’t I just die?”
Apparently the answer is “No!” because I am very healthy and as safe and secure as anyone can be in this world. It’s humbling to realize He has more of the race for me to run and more service for me to do before my earthly refining has prepared me for heaven. I am ashamed of being presumptuous.
I recognize the peculiarity of this disproportionate longing but I’m still not convinced that death is not to be desired.
A psalmist also cried, “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?” Maybe I’m not so odd after all.
Romans 6:23; John 14:3; Revelation 22:17; Psalm 42:2
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Blessings~
Your beginning and end were particularly strong, but overall this is a great piece of writing !