Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: ANGELS WATCHING OVER ME (don’t write about the song) (06/04/15)
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TITLE: On Assignment | Previous Challenge Entry
By Zacharia Fox
06/10/15 -
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“The vessel, in this hovel? She must be something,” he muttered to himself. He grabbed his communique, and studied it.
‘Single most important mission.
Extreme secrecy.
Movement in the enemies camp.’
As Gabriel slipped the parchment into his tunic, he tensed. Something moved on the roof of a ramshackle house two-hundred feet ahead. It stepped into the moonlight, and Gabriel relaxed. Only a cat. It leapt to the street and lapped from a muddy puddle. Gabriel bolted from the shadow and flattened himself against a barn. Only a hundred feet from her dwelling now. He peered down the road. It was empty but for the cat, now licking its paws.
He crouched again, ready to sprint for it. But then, the cat arched its back and hissed, hair standing to attention before it shrieked into the night. Then he saw them. Two sinuous shadows crawled from an alley not thirty feet away. An acrid odor molested his nostrils as the larger creature spewed smoke between its razor fangs.
They were only lowly sentinels. Gabriel could dispatch them without incident, but the missive said, ‘Extreme secrecy.’ He pressed himself back against the barn, and listened.
“It’s been silent as the prophets all night, Sadistus,” wheezed the smaller one.
Sadistus flicked the night with his reptilian tongue. “I hate that saying,” he gurgled.
The smaller one clawed its hide. “I don’t see why! They aint prattled on in ‘bout four-hundred years! Rumor has it, The Prince of the Power of the Air intends to give us a holiday.”
A sable gust blew as Sadistus twisted his talons around the smaller one’s neck. “Rumor has it, huh? Don’t trust a thing that windbag says. It’s a wonder you’re still alive Conspirion.” Conspirion squirmed in Sadistus’ clutch. “The prophets aren’t silent because Yahweh has lost. Even now, there’s a prophetess named Anna, in Israel.” Sadistus dropped Conspirion in the mud.
“Yeah! But she don’t talk much.”
Sadistus glared at Conspirion with bulbous eyes. “That’s because she’s waiting, you fool! Fulfillment is at hand.”
Conspirion turned away as he wiped mud from his face. “You worry too much.”
“Do I?” Sadistus spit smoking acid to the dirt road. “I hear they’ve sent Gabriel on assignment.”
Conspirion went rigid, before swiveling his head a hundred-eighty degrees to meet Saditus’ gaze. “The prince-slayer?” he squeaked. Gabriel grinned, remembering that ancient battle in Persia.
“You know what the book says. ‘He is near to those who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.’ There is one who calls, here in Nazareth. Don’t you know He’s watching over her?” Conspirion twitched nervously. “Still think we’re on holiday? Now pick yourself up, and act like a sentinel.” Conspirion scrambled to his superior’s side, and the two skulked down another road.
Gabriel spent only a few seconds in wait, before darting from the barn to her house. Inside he heard a quiet murmur. His feet pressed silently to the dirt floor as he crept toward the voice. Stopping at the bedroom entrance, he listened as Mary cried out to God, kneeling at her bed. “… surely you will save us from the fowler’s snare. I am your servant, daughter of you maidservant. What have I to offer, O Lord? My sacrifice is a broken spirit. Make me what you will,” she wept.
Gabriel smiled as he thought, ‘Oh, the beauty of a humble heart. The garden of all virtue. She will make a fine vessel.’
He stepped into the room. “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!”
* * *
Author’s Notes:
Scripture References:
Psalm 145:18, Daniel 10:20, Psalm 91:3, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 116:16, Psalm 51:17, Luke 1:28
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My only red ink is your opening line is an incomplete sentence. A few years ago, I may not have noticed, but it did distract me just a tiny bit. All you would need to do to make it complete is change the period to a comma and put the third line after it.
Like I said, just a tiny bit of red ink. Once I got past it, I totally focused on your delightful story. The dialog was wonderful and really gave the characters depth.
Very graphic writing
Great writing.