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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: DEPOSIT (03/11/21)
It was the perfect day for this adventure. The sun had already sucked the last dewdrop from the withered grass. The last chicken had offered up a small brown egg for breakfast. The twice used tea leaves stained the luke-warm water just enough to give the illusion of something more. And rubbing the dried jasmine between her palms gave Hannah the joy of imagining Eden at its finest.

There was no one to check on and no one who cared enough what she was up to. The two sets of rags draped off the pegs on the wall seemed to quiver in anticipation. One set was designated for the garden if the rain came again. The other for special adventures like this one. She donned the latter and reached for the small leather purse – her sole remaining treasure.

Shading her eyes, the old woman reached for her walking stick, stretched her back and stepped into the furnace that hovered over the landscape. Her goal perched on an impossible summit. From her little hovel, there was nowhere to go but up. The light glinting off the Temple blinded even her feeble eyes.

The breakfast egg had been her sole sustenance over three days and her shaky limbs demanded numerous rest stops along the way. Pilgrims, merchants and curiosity seekers swarmed by her, giving her little notice. A little boy, dragged by his father up the hill, paused to cock his head and wave. Hannah smiled and shared a small wave back. It had been years since her grandchildren had travelled from the north to see her.

By the shadow shrinking into her feet, she reckoned it was noon. Vendors haggled with customers over prices as the hungry bargained for what they would consume. The leather purse in her hand burned for her attention. There were two coins – the smallest change – but the coins might buy bread. Didn’t the children of the Almighty deserve something to sustain them in their worship?

She sluffed off the gurgle in her belly and pressed on another dozen steps before resting. The hills around were barren. The hillside covered in gravestones across the narrow valley would soon be her final resting place. If only there was someone to mourn her passing. She shook off the unfamiliar shroud of self-pity and took another dozen steps. This was a fine city and there was no finer Temple in the land to honor her maker.

A parade of religious zealots, dressed in swishing black robes, chanted in cadence as they swooped by- full of vigour and zeal for their task. It was impossible to miss the wake they left behind as their piety settled like a cloud over the hilltop. The crush of the faithful in their shadows almost knocked her off her feet so she waited for a gap in the flow of humanity.

The scent of the sacrifices pulled her back to the first visits in this place. What a joy it had been as a young girl to ride her father’s shoulders into these sacred grounds. To scan the eager faces from nations all over the known world and to feel a part of something otherworldly. To purchase a lamb, to feel forgiven, to offer up an abundance from all that the Creator had provided.

And now, years after the plague had taken her parents and brothers. Years after her only sister had moved to the Galilee. Years since she had seen anyone she could call family, she still took these steps.
She watched the religious approach the offering boxes and with great fanfare deposit great sacks of wealth. She sheltered in the shade fighting the shame of what she had.

While the faithful lauded the gifts of the robed ones, she slipped up to the boxes and dropped in her two cents. It was all she had but she gave it with a sense of release and gratitude. Her life was now fully in the hands of the Almighty.

She turned away toward the gate and that’s when she saw him. The young teacher surrounded by gawking disciples. The sparkle in his eyes matched the smile on his lips. His nod in her direction felt like the kiss of God on her heart. A strange shiver raced up and down her spine.

She lowered her eyes and shuffled back to the entrance. She had made her deposit in heaven and a strange hope filled her soul.
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This article has been read 914 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Verna Cole Mitchell 
03/18/21
I love everything about this lovely story from a different viewpoint. Great description!
Ruthie Alekseeva
03/19/21
I loved it. It reads like a novel. I think this story will do well.
Deborah Garner
03/20/21
I loved the imagery, a glimpse of what a poverty-stricken widow might endure. "The kiss of God on her heart"
-what a beautiful thought!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/21/21
You pulled me in right away and held me to the very end, even though I recognized the character and knew the ending. You made it fresh, like a story I've never heard. I delighted in the fantastic description. You did an excellent job of bringing in a few conflicts and resolved them beautifully.
Dolores Stohler 
03/21/21
Just read your story. You did a masterful job of describing Hannah & her circumstances. And, as a widow myself, I know we are blessed in a special way. Hannah did not go hungry. Of that I am sure. Praise God.
Patricia Turner 
03/21/21
Just this morning our pastor preached on this very story. including the sound of the many coins of the wealthy clanking noisily and heavily into the jars, yet it was the almost soundlessness of her two coins that drew the attention of the master. Your story is so rich in detail, and is masterfully told!
Patricia Turner 
03/25/21
Congratulations on a well earned EC placing!
Laurie Kiel 
03/29/21
Beautiful description. You did a wonderful job fleshing out a story we’ve heard countless times. A great job.
Bonnie Bowden 
04/04/21
Congratulations on you well-deserved 1st place finish, Jack. Lovely descriptions and sense of purpose for your main character.
KRYSTAL CUNNINGHAM
04/22/21
Felt really immersed in this story as though I feel the heat in the air, the dusty paths and the bustling of the town. Then the tinge of excitement at the end 'the young teacher' could have happily read on.