The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a sweet story. You do a fine job of pulling the reader in by introducing the conflict right away.

Instead of using too exclamation points, save them for dialog, use sparingly and let your words do your exclaiming. I also noticed you used semicolons to separate dependent clauses. That's a comma's job;the semicolon is to separate independent clauses.

You were right on topic and did it in a unique way. I think you did a nice job of developing the characters and your message is powerful.
I appreciated Pastor Lowell being honest with himself in the first half of this story. Good job of showing the soul talk we have with ourselves.
Congratulations on ranking 13th overall. Happy Dance!