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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: TRAVELER (01/28/16)
I think of myself as an extraordinary world class traveler. After all, I've seen the mysteries of the world in ways that escape ordinary 'vacation' travelers. Before I was even old enough to walk my father had told tales, complete with pictures and gifts, about his overseas business trips. He had me primed and ready for the life I would live. That is why my tenth birthday was such a major event for me... Dad was finally taking me with him on one of his overseas trips. We were going to Germany where we would see castles, climb mountains, and... well, who could imagine what all we would see?

I remember getting to the airport in time to check our bags. Drinking in my surroundings as though it were my first time at an airport, it didn't matter that I had seen Dad off at least a million trillion times before. Dad's stop at the insurance machine was different because this time he was getting two policies... one for him, as always, but also one for me. For me. I was actually going with him this time. We buckled in and soon the world outside the window began to move... we were ready to take off. I had no idea what it was like to fly so it took me by surprize when the whole plane shook before taking off. It scared me but the castles in Germany took that frightening memory completely away. Not even the flight over the ocean was remembered, or the eventual landing in Europe. There is no explanation but, love him as I do, I don't even remember Dad being with me as I explored castles. He must have been taking care of the business part of his trip.

Soon, I started going all over the world. Each adventure kept me living for the next one. My trips had me meeting both the famous and the infamous of the world... presidents, wealthy tycoons, evil dictators... you name it, I met them all.

One of my favorite trips was the one to Neverland. Peter Pan thought I had come to replace him but we soon became best friends forever. The Hook knew not to mess with us when we were together. Hook looked forward to my leaving and, eventually, I did have to leave. Aladdin had invited me to his palace.

My many years of travel has left me with no regrets, other than a lack of places where I haven't already been. Sometimes inspiration hits and I go where it leads. Inspiration, though, has been boringly slow lately. I am confident that inspiration will come in time for the next adventure. God knows it is those wonderful adventures that gave me my only reason to live. Inspiration would come.

….....................................................................

The nurses came into the young boy's room as though he wasn't even there. They were talking about trivial things as they took vitals, changed wet clothing, checked the drip of the food bags and completed all the tasks they were required to do. One of the nurses, by unintentional chance, laid eyes on the boy's face.

“He sure looks peaceful, doesn't he?” She fluffed the pillow under the lad's head. “Do you know what happened to him?”

The other nurse rubbed the boy's feet, to help circulation. “I heard someone say he was taking a trip overseas with his father. The plane crashed on take off and his father died. The poor child has been in this coma for almost two months now. It's a shame, too. He is only ten years old.”

“Does he have anyone that visits him?”

“Nope. His mother died at birth. This boy is a ward of the court.”

“Betty, I'm off duty in a few minutes. Do you mind if I stay and read him a story?”

“He won't hear you. They say he is all but brain dead. But if you want to waste time reading, I'm not going to stop you.”

“Good. I want to start reading him the story of Jesus.” She reached into the drawer by the bed and pulled out the Gideon bible that was always there. Sitting beside the boy, she opened the bible and started reading softly.

…..........................................

Finally inspiration hit. What an adventure that would be. I'll take a trip to Jerusalem and meet the son of Mary... the Son of God... Jesus. I'm ready for the greatest adventure of my life.
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This article has been read 706 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
02/05/16
Beautifully written.

God bless~
Lea Austin
02/08/16
Your story showed the stark reality that life has no guarantees and can completely change at any moment. You asked for comments regarding hopelessness vs. hope. Would adding a more hopeless tone even to the first part of the story help make the contrast of hope sharper at the end? I thought you did a great job, especially considering the 750 word limit.
Holly Westefeld
02/08/16
This was a very interesting take on the topic.
My smidgeon of red ink is that while the MC may have been a ward of the court, it does not compute for me that anyone his dad would have trusted to care for him during ten years of his business travels would not have visited him in the hospital.
You make an important point that those who appear unconscious should never be treated that way. I also like how you transitioned from realistic travels to fanciful ones, which was confusing until you revealed why.
Zacharia Fox
02/08/16
I think you did a wonderful job in so many ways :-) made him think you chose the right direction for your ending, though I was hoping for a bigger punch.

Still, this is a great piece of writing, and I really loved it,
M. C. Syben 
02/10/16
I really love the whole idea of this story. Because I do, I'm going to volunteer a bit of red ink. I do wish you would have worked on the ten year old voice more. I think that would have made the Neverland trip stand out and more obvious. The voice is too adult and contradicts what you are trying to accomplish in my opinion. Believe me, I think the story is good. I just know it could be AWESOME.

Thank you for a good read!

Blessings.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/12/16
Congratulations on ranking 20th overall. Happy Dance!