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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: OVERSEAS VACATION (08/13/15)
Day One:

If praying is talking to God, am I schizophrenic if he talks to me―“inviting” me to declare judgement on Nineveh? Me – against one hundred and twenty thousand Ninevites? Naaah! Nineveh, Schmineveh.

No way Yahweh! If that’s your vocation, I’ll take a va-cation. Overseas. West to Tarshish―as far from Nineveh as I can get.

Day Two:

Joppa’s crowded seafront gives pier-pressure a whole new meaning; for high-tide is here and it’s time to set sail. With my one-way ticket to Tarshish in hand, I slip out of everyone’s way; below deck, where it’s quieter.

The boat’s gentle, rocking motion is melting all my stress away, and I suddenly discover that I’m fast asleep.

Bliss at last.

Day Three:

Rubbing sleep’s blur from my eyes, I feel everything heaving. With waves crashing against the hull and the wind shrieking so loudly, I can hardly hear the terrified captain as he shakes me awake. “Our gods are ignoring our prayers,” he screams into my face. “Is your god angry too?”

Ullo, Ullo, ‘Ello-him'―so vindictive that he’d destroy an innocent crew on my account? Surely I’m a dead man!

Up on deck, every crewman’s expression is sheer panic. “My God is angry with me, not you! He made the sea and everything else, and your only hope is to throw me overboard. If anyone’s going to die, it will be me!” Reassurance that sounds more convincing than it feels, for I find myself thinking: And I’ll be a no-show for Nineveh...

As soon as I hit the water, everything stills. The crew bursts into song, but I can’t join in. Massive jaws catch me and sweep me into a warm, dark cave.

Day Four:

A warm, wet, dark cave

Day Five:

A warm, wet, dark cave

Day Six:

Day-ja vu. But now I realise that I can only go up from here. God, you have my attention. What now?

Day Seven:

I’m coughed up onto a beach. God’s voice returns, and I can’t get to Nineveh quick enough.

Day Eight:

In Nineveh’s town square I’m surrounded by a seething, filthy morass of fury and sneering depravity. What is one voice―my voice―against all that? But the fish-trip? Again? No thanks...

I raise my voice, “You’ve got forty days to repent of your sin; or God will destroy you!” The amazing volume of God’s warning echoes off the walls. But they’ve never heard of my God―is my PR campaign lifting the “Mad” from Madison Avenue???

Yet everything goes quiet. People stop and turn my way―wide eyed, gaping. Transfixed with fear, just like the sailors in that storm.

Day Nine:

Breaking news. The king has stripped off, slipped into sack cloth and ordered a city-wide fast. All citizens must repent! “Maybe God will relent,” he declares.

This is serious stuff, because his word is law. And peace breaks out!

Day Ten:

Nothing for me to do now but leave town and climb the biggest hill so I can watch and wait for fire to fall from heaven. Or maybe an earthquake to open up; or a flood; or a plague to kill everybody slowly. After all, God has thirty days to choose the best kind of disaster for them…

Day Eleven:

Wow, that sun is hot! I could cook out here if I have to wait twenty nine more days…

Day Twelve:

Amazing! A huge vine has sprung up overnight, with enough thick leaves to keep the sun off me. Wow! Now I can watch and wait in comfort. Bring it on, God!

Day Thirteen:

No movement in Nineveh. Has God changed his mind?

And now the vine has shrivelled up in the heat, I’d be better off dead out here. The Ninevites wouldn’t know―or care.

God, you’ve made a fool of me! I should have known you’d go soft in the end. I could have enjoyed my break in Tarshish all along! What a waste of time…

The voice returns―free of schizophrenia. No mistake now.
“Jonah, stop kicking your chin around. Just tell me this: aren’t thousands of Ninevites who turn to obey me more important than your fragile comfort zone?”

That overseas holiday didn’t work out as I’d hoped. But hey, the under-seas trip has sparked up a fantastic idea. Maybe God could call me to new preaching tours. Now there’s a real PR campaign: “JONAH – GOD’S GASTRONAUT – HE’S GONE WHERE NO MAN HAS EVER GONE BEFORE!”


Now, to Star-Trek-onnoitring places to visit; so my next trip is more prophet-able…




Author’s note: Poor old Jonah never quite realized that it wasn’t all about him; but about God’s grace extending beyond the Hebrews―and beyond any threat of judgement alone.
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This article has been read 1390 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Hannah Gaudette
08/20/15
This is such a creative piece. I was laughing and smiling through it all. Well-written, and the title led me right in!
Danielle King 
08/20/15
Loved it! Creative, entertaining and hysterical and all the while sticking with the biblical account, albeit a slightly deranged version. Day seven, I'm coughed up onto a beach tickled me. And your final paragraph, Jonah, God's astronaut was priceless. This piece could only be written by a madman!
Zacharia Fox
08/22/15
stunning! brilliant! engaging! I love the introspective tone these humorous journal entries create:) Great stuff!!!
Bonnie Bowden 
08/22/15
This is a whale of a story. I enjoyed the creative and fun retelling.

I especially enjoyed the following lines:

Joppas' crowded seafront gives pier-pressure ... and the last two paragraphs.

Loni Bowden-Horn 
08/22/15
This story blows my mind. Engaging and entertaining.You didn't keep me in the dark for long. All's whale that ends whale.
Beth LaBuff
08/27/15
Jonah and his overseas (working) vacation are great for this topic. I really like the contrast of the overseas and underseas. (only you would come up with that). :) I felt this a prophet-able read. Poor Jonah! This entry is the off the charts in creativity.
Danielle King 
08/27/15
OK, so I'll retract the madman and replace it with genius, as that's what this entry deserves. Congratulations on your EC placing. Brilliant job!
Loni Bowden-Horn 
08/27/15
Noel,
Congratulations on your EC win. Ingenious piece of work. This piece of work put a smile on my face and a skip in my step. If Jonah had read this tale, he probably wouldn't have fallen asleep in the boat.
Bonnie Bowden 
08/27/15
Congratulations on your 2nd place EC award, Noel. I am glad your creative genius was recognized.
Bea Edwards 
08/27/15
You're ever entertaining with your cleverness gone riotous!

Your family must wear perpetual grins.
Yvonne Blake 
08/28/15
Great take on this topic! I'm very glad you included the last footnote. So many focus on Jonah and the fish and don't see the real story. (My Sunday School class is memorizing the whole book. We are almost done.) Congratulations on your EC.
Ellen Carr 
08/28/15
Congratulations, Noel, on your EC 2nd place win. Your creative and amusing recounting of the Jonah story, with much embellishment, made for great reading.
Cindy Duncan
08/28/15
Great job, and entertaining as always! Congratulations on the EC 2nd place!
Francy Judge 
08/29/15
Loved this humorous version of Jonah's story. What a creative way to describe the scene of his over and "underseas" vacation. You are a talented writer. Congratulations!
Zacharia Fox
09/03/15
Noel! I was rereading this and just had to comment on how clever you are:) for anyone familiar w/Jonah, this can bring nothing but satisfaction! Well done:)
C D Swanson 
09/03/15
I'm a little late on this...but congrats!

Great job.

God bless~
Laurie Kiel 
01/14/22
Very creative retelling of Jonah’s story. I loved it.