Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: I SURRENDER ALL (to God) (don’t write about the song) (05/07/15)
TITLE: Cheesecake, chocolate and coffee
By Corinne Smelker
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“Welcome. My name is Helga.” Immediately, my thoughts went to the movie ‘Armageddon’ when ‘Rockhound’ said, “if the space program fails, you'll always have a job at Helga's house of pain.” I vowed that I would not allow that affect my feelings about her, although I had to stifle a giggle.
“What are your goals?” Helga asked, clicking her pen on and off.
“Ah. To get fit?” my voice lilted up on the last word since I really had no idea. All I knew was I looked in the mirror and saw a 45-year old woman with more stippling than the cottage cheese currently taking up space in my fridge.
Helga’s eyes narrowed. “OK – let’s see. Do you want to lose weight? Tone up? Get a 6-pack? Run a marathon? I need more.”
“Um,” she was making me nervous, and I found myself fascinated with how rapidly she could click her pen. “Well, yes. All of it.”
“All of it?” Helga’s eyes lit up and I could almost hear the dollar coins making cha-ching sounds in her mind. But I didn’t care – I was not rich by any means but I knew I had to get a handle on my health, otherwise what use was any amount of money in the bank?
Before I knew it, I was being measured, weighed, oohed and aahed over like a New York strip at a steak house. Except, unlike the strip, I was found wanting. After what seemed like eternity Helga once again sat me down, and proceeded to outline her plan. All I heard was ‘blah, blah, blah, lose 40lbs, blah, blah, no sugar, blah blah blah, weight training, blah, blah, blah, treadmill, five times a week…”
“No sugar?” I bleated. What about my cheesecake; what about my coffee with three sugars; what about that chocolate that was hidden at the back of my office desk drawer, what about… how would I survive?
“Now let’s get down to business,” Helga said, and motioning me to follow her, led me into the guts of the gym. Why oh why didn’t I pick one of those fancy gyms with the spa, the sauna and the smoothies, I lamented to myself. Well, I knew why – I knew I needed the basics, not the frills.
A bank of free weights loomed in front of me; and Helga swung a pair over to me. I, on the other hand, almost dropped them! “Seriously? These weigh a ton,” I gasped. She just glared at me and made me do arm curls until I thought my arms would fall off and run away of their own accord.
Then it was off to do squats, interspersed with planks, and some ab crunches. Every time I thought I was close to being done, Helga would say, “Five more. Come one.” I don’t think she knew how to count though – my five and her five didn’t match.
Just when I thought I’d faint or throw up, or perhaps both, Helga said, “OK. All done.” I collapsed into a little ball on the ground, in agony. “You win. I’m done.”
“I will see you bright and early tomorrow,” my new nemesis said.
As I limped to my car I realised that although every single nerve, muscle and even bone in my body hurt, I actually felt good. I had accomplished something I had never done before. Perhaps I could surrender all the sugar after all…
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