Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: GLUTTONY (overindulgence and overconsumption) (01/15/15)
TITLE: The Obituary of Ernest C. Eatsomemore
By Diane M. Bowman
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Ernest Christian Eatsomemore, 48, died at Cookietown Memorial Hospital on January 15, 2015. His death was caused by multiple medical complications from morbid obesity.
Born on June 14, 1966 in Cookietown, Oklahoma, to Ike and Ida Eatsomemore, he graduated from Union Valley High School in 1985. On May 16, 1988, he married Gertrude Gullible.
Ernest, as his name suggests, was an earnest Christian. Or at least, he had plans to become one someday. Unfortunately for him - someday never came.
His death, like most aspects of his life, was not expected. He was a dreamer, a maker of plans, but executer of few. The highlight of his existence was the time spent with his best friend, Doug H. Nut. He met Doug at a local coffee shop every morning of his adult life. Eventually, their group enlarged to include Laz E. Ness, Slo T. H. Fullness and Willy Weakwill. Several years later, Dia B. Etes joined their daily gatherings.
He always said he would 'make something of himself' but as the years passed, it became apparent to many around him that Doug interrupted almost any task Ernest attempted to accomplish. As he allowed Doug ever increasing control over his life, Ernest's massive girth began to limit his ability to function. By the time of his death, Ernest had allowed the influence of Doug and his friends to remove completely the final trace of his ability to practice self-control.
Ernest was a member of the Church of Good Appearances. It was here he learned the art of maintaining a façade of a devoted follower of Jesus Christ. Ernest spoke of his passionate pursuit of God in every conversation he joined. Few people knew the truth - he pursued nothing as passionately as food.
In addition to his wife, Ernest leaves to mourn his passing their two children, Issy and her husband Vernon Vice, Ernest Eatsomemore, Jr. and his wife Ellie, and two unborn grandchildren who, because of his daily meetings with Doug, he will never have the chance to meet.
Services will be held at 11:00 in the morning on Thursday, January 22, 2015 at the Church of Good Appearances. Interment will be at a private cemetery.
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Overeaters Anonymous.
To all who knew him, the life of Ernest C. Eatsomemore, terminated in its prime by overindulgence, will serve as a sobering reminder of the importance of self-denial and Holy Spirit led discipline in the life of an adherent of Jesus.
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