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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Pen and Paper (07/17/14)
I woke today with things on my mind
My body is failing, to bed I’m confined
I dreamt I’d been buried but wasn’t quite dead
The wife and the children they cared not a shred

Dressed up as crows shedding crocodile tears
Like vultures they circled and bit down their cheers
Too long they had waited for “papa’s demise”
The man that they kiss but deep down despise

I pressed the red button to summon a nurse
I’d stop the fat buzzards from plund'ring my purse
“A pen and some paper – yes, bring them to me
I’ll write a new will – who laughs then? We’ll see

“All previous wills I now set aside
These are my wishes that must be applied
My wife and my children my money won’t get
My hasty internment I cannot forget”

I signed at the bottom and then wrote the date
For posting tomorrow - it was getting quite late
Deciding to put it away in the drawer
I found all the others –a dozen or more

“All previous wills I now set aside…
“All previous wills I now set aside…
“All previous wills I now set aside…
“All previous wills I now set aside…

I read through them all, each one so unique
Many amusing, others quite bleak
Remembered my wife and my children so dear
Their love for me now and forever so clear
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This article has been read 1044 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Toni Babcock 
07/25/14
Enjoyed reading this humorous poetic ditty on one man's impending demise. The end did confuse me a bit. Was the man merely dreaming his family was only after his money and despised him, but the truth was they actually loved him?
C D Swanson 
07/26/14
Interesting piece. Well done!

God bless~
Ellen Carr 
07/26/14
I really enjoyed your amusing poem but was expecting a 'serve them right' ending. However, the positive ending was a nice touch. Well done!
lynn gipson 
07/26/14
Great poem with perfect rhyme, rhythm, and meter. Thanks for sharing this excellent piece.
JK Stenger
07/26/14
Yes,to me, this poem is very well written. It's excellent. I do agree however with some of the comments, as I was a bit confused as well. I read your explanation and I understand it. However these first four verses were so engaging and even funny, that it was hard for me to suddenly be convinced that this old man was sure about the love of his family again. It seems to me that since you are such a good poet, it would have not been too hard to add a few more verses so it would have all been more clear. Howver, I am not much of a poet myself, so I hardly know what I am talking about. As far as the poem itself and its technique, it's one of the better ones I've read.
Joe Moreland
07/26/14
I love this just the way it is! I really wish I had not read your explanation, because I lost some of the surprise. It is obvious to me that your MC is suffering from some sort of break with reality that makes him believe that what he dreams is real and he keeps re-writing his will based on these delusions, only to find the all of the other wills in his drawer and realize that he is imagining things over and over again. That realization makes him remember the truth of the fact that his family loves him.

What a great story, told so eloquently in verse.
Laury Hubrich
07/26/14
Funny how dreams can seem so very real. Loved your poem:)
Diane M. Bowman
07/27/14
Fun! Maybe we all need a file that reminds us of things we forget....
Glynis Becker
07/27/14
Nice rhythm. It flows beautifully. I admit that I was confused at first, but figured it out by the end. Great job.
Joshua Janoski
07/28/14
Very well written! I admire writers that can pull off poetry like this.

I read it after reading your explanation on the forums, so I can't really comment on if I would have been confused about the ending. With your explanation it was very clear to me.

My only recommendation would be to maybe make the man's realization that it was all a bad dream a bit clearer at the end, but doing that might have messed with the flow of the poem.

I enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing!
Bea Edwards 
07/28/14
Very interesting and actually a bit disturbing.

I wonder how many dying men and women suffer through unfounded suspicion of their loved ones loyalties...

Better to be poor and loved for who we are and not what we have-I think.
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
07/30/14
The stories told by nursing home residents resound in this. Tragic, yet magically engrossing. Love it.