The Official Writing Challenge
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Interesting story! The bit about Nathaniel Hawthorne's story piqued my curiosity and adds a little intrigue. Generally I like to keep out unnecessary words like 'had' out of my sentences when not needed. (I have a problem overusing the word 'that'.) My only other suggestion would be to re-read the piece carefully, looking for any sentences that sound 'bumpy', or might be confusing or difficult for the average reader to figure out what is meant by the wording. If you can find someone to read it to - or have them read the story back to you - it may be easier to spot any problem areas that need tweaking.
Excellent piece! WEll done.
I really enjoyed this. Excellent writing here.
God bless~
Congratulations for ranking 22 overall! Happy Dance!