The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/05/14
Great story in delivery and content. I enjoyed it.

God bless~
This was an out-of-the-box story. I thought it was quite creative and could feel the pain of your MC. I never quite thought who would have called out first. Great idea.

I did have a hard time understanding who was speaking. If it's the same person and you start a new paragraph, there shouldn't be end quotes at the end of the prior paragraph.

Once I figured it out though, I was totally engrossed. The dialog made your MC so real. The ending was perfect too.