The Official Writing Challenge
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You did a wonderful job with this piece. I had tears in my eyes. I found myself right there in the room with the MC.

I'm sure you've spotted the comma instead of coma. I had a typo on my entry too and it screamed at me. :-) I wonder if everyone knows what DNR means if they haven't been in hospitals much, but I guess they could google it.

You did a splendid job with this piece. The suspense and conflict moved at the perfect pace. The ending was almost perfect (personally the word exclaimed seemed too intense for me, but it doesn't really take away from the powerful ending) I truly enjoyed this, sometimes we do have to endure pain to receive the joy. This concept can be a hard o e for people to understand and you did a terrific job of showing it.
Wow! Simply amazing writing. Riveting! Chilling! You took me through a gamut of emotions. And when the "beep, beep" came, you caught me completely off guard. The way you wrote this using the "click, swoosh" of the hospital machines, machines that kept breathing for the biological father was so effective. I could hear it while reading, and then each scene from the boy's life progressed, with each click of the hospital breathing machine (like a camera clicking then showing a still photo-- a photo of a hand poised ready to strike him). The mother's wisdom, answers to "why," and "dad" entering the room after the biological father's death, tied the story so completely together, left me with chills, and completely satisfied this reader! Superb work! Just wow!
You've done a great job weaving the topic into this sad story. The descriptions are very real, and so is the dialogue. I like the way you wrapped it up at the end to where it finally "clicks."
A masterful job of building tension, a satisfying ending, and a message to be remembered. Excellent writing, I say.
This is a moving and gripping piece of writing and you have linked it to the topic very well with the 'Click,swoosh' refrain. I like the ending where the dad who really did the fathering comes into the room. Well done.
This is a sad but absolutely terrific piece of writing. I also got chill bumps. You did a great job of relating the effects abuse have on a child.Thanks for sharing this emotional story.
Thank you for this amazing piece. I was completely captivated from start to finish.
The part I like best is "this is a work of fiction". You came close to hitting my nerve with this one. My "real" father was a wino and capable of violence. Capable? Let me amend that - he was scary when he was "in his cups". I have Post-Traumatic Fibromyalgia because of his little love taps. My Dad, who adopted us, was ravaged by Pancreatic Cancer. I could only picture him as I read this. My sire was hit by a train when he was only thirty-six.

This is an excellent piece of fiction . . .
The story could very well relate to so, many different individuals. It comes home to us and meets the person right where they are. It grabbed my heart and made me think that God can take even a bad situation in our lives and turn it around for our good and His glory. "For God is the Lord of Justice"