The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Great title and great writing. I enjoyed this entire entry. I was pulled in immediately. Great points, and excellent message. I loved the scripture at the end Perfect!

God bless~
Interesting parallels, and well-written.
This is very well written. It caught me up, pulled me in and dropped me right where you wanted me for the delivery of your message.

The only suggestion I might make is that the last paragraph got a little too preachy for me. It's something that could be solved by breaking up the dialogue, maybe letting your character Charles have a few words?

That's very nit-picky, though, because there is nothing technically wrong with it as it is now - that's just my personal preference and doesn't have to mean anything to you. Great job!
Congratulations for placing 20th overall!