The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
What a cute and delightful entry on the topic.
Fun entry with delightful characterization and great action. Enjoyed the read.
I suspected the twist early on - nice to not be disappointed! I remember playing hide and seek with my first crush in the kissing involved but fluttery feelings for sure!
I was sure something dreadful was about to happen to poor girl—what a relief that it was a game! I like your use of the snap, crackle and pop words, and what a wonderful memory— "oh snap!" Well done.
Nice redirect at the end and cute title. One minor POV comment. In the beginning you say she had her eyes so tight she could almost see stars, then a couple sentences later you state that she could almost see her laced collar move in the moonlight. I was sure if her eyes were opened or closed. Otherwise it was a suspensful entry with a fun ending.