The Official Writing Challenge
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It's so hard on teens when a friendship dissolves (and on adults too). You did a nice job of demonstrating this. I think if you go back and look at how many sentences (especially in first few paragraphs) began with a name or pronoun, you'll be surprised. By switching up the sentence structure, you can pull the reader in even more. You did a nice job of writing on topic while delivering a clear Christian message.