The Official Writing Challenge
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One thing I would suggest to add to this story is anything that would invoke the 5 senses - sight - sound - etc.
Thanks for sharing. Blessings
You make some great points and
I can feel your passion. I see you doing something I did in my early writing days. I had so much to say and tried to cram it all in one piece. My writing became more focused and I was able to show instead of telling after reading Bring Your Writing to Life by Amy Wiley. It's offered free to gold and platinum members, but you need to contact FW and ask for it. It's an excellent study guide and I look forward to reading more.