Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: SELF-CONTROL (12/09/21)
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TITLE: Twenty-Five Words | Previous Challenge Entry
By Laurie Bahlke
12/16/21 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
It is December and although I have finished most of my shopping, every trip to a store finds me fighting the urge to buy one more thing. It feels as if everything looks shinier and, brighter. I take a breath and wait for the urge to pass and when it does, it is replaced by an inner voice that says, “You have enough.” I also wrestle with the ‘nasties’ that hit almost every Monday or in situations where I feel anxious. I can be prone to self-doubt which leads to sweet tooth syndrome characterized by laying of hands, on chocolate cupcakes and soda pop. Before I reach, I breathe. Sometimes, I have a strong resolve and move on; at other times, admittedly, I cave like a lava cake. These are small self-control issues though when compared to other things in life that can easily hurt or haunt one throughout a lifetime.
I recall a time when my self-control was tested but not in a way you might think. I was called in to do an evaluation on a gentleman in his forties who was a resident in an extended care setting because he had advanced cancer. The family was in to see him every day and would stay for dinner, feeding and conversing with him, even if but for a short time before his strength evaporated. The nurse on duty that day had reported to me that the man did not seem to be swallowing and his responsiveness was beginning to wane. The results of the swallowing evaluation indicated that the man was no longer safe for oral feeds; a new diagnosis for an already grieving wife.
Let it sink in, I told myself. Give her a moment to breathe, wait on her.
Let her lead with the next question.
My watch was ticking, there were other patients to see, my schedule was full, I was tired, the boss wanted a meeting, I was going to miss lunch.
“Wait,” I whispered.
Focus.
They will have to say goodbye soon.
Be patient, open to her grief, and need to talk.
Wait.
Breathe.
Exhale.
Stay in the moment.
I began to pray in the sacred space between me and the grief of another,
Dear Lord, help me to clear my mind of all things except what is presently before me. Direct my words, thoughts, and my actions.
The wife began to speak slowly, and I found that my inner monologue had quieted. It was a moment that I have long remembered because it was on this day that I found both beauty and gratitude in self-control. Over the years, I have discovered that if my ability to take charge and say no is hindered, I may spend parts of my life in regret.
It is indeed messy to identify where we fall short and the areas in which we need to temper our reactions, spending, to-do lists, relationships, desires, and so on. Demonstration of sobriety, loyalty, faithfulness, recovery, and perhaps even remorse, impacts how we care for ourselves and, treat others.
Since that time nearly twenty years ago, I have still needed to slow down, breathe, and to focus. I have made choices born out of love, sometimes out of anger. I have cursed when I should have forgiven. I have been impulsive when being thoughtful would have been better. I have made mistakes and I have learned.
In under twenty-five words, the prayer I said years ago, finds me again and again as I navigate my way through a world that promises something shinier, and brighter. As many of us know, all that glitters, however, is not gold. What remains to be true though is this, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy1:7)
Through God, we can accomplish all things, even those things that are messy, personal, and difficult to control. There is one word that I add to my prayer now and it is simply, “Amen.”
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Well said.
Keep writing.
Beautiful. A men.