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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: MATCH (08/26/21)
A toxic friendship, a painful good-bye. In my mind the heroic thing to do, the best choice, was to walk away and to put the relationship behind me. No phone calls, no emails, no letters, no more giving advice and lengthy talks that ranged from begging and pleading for change to the stern, “I do not care anymore if you kill yourself with a bottle.” Real life, however, is different. Truth is, I did not have the heart to burn the bridge and walk away.

There was a history between us and despite the lies that came with addiction, the anguish that came from watching a life fall apart, my desire to stay and see things through was greater than my desire to walk away. I had held the match in my hand many times and said that “I was done” but I was not. A person stood before me with a big heart and when not under the influence of alcohol, she was a person that was compassionate and caring. She empathized with those who were hurting in ways that others could not, perhaps because she shared a similar story and walked a similar path. My friend is gifted with conversation and humor and can easily make friends out of strangers.

Rehabilitation efforts have been frequent and ongoing, but denial has loosened its grip and with each effort, continued sobriety seems more hopeful. I have come to realize that the things I am told may be yes, a lie or exaggerated truth and that changes in mood often mean a change in sobriety; that when she says she is “done with me”, she will be the one to throw the match and burn the bridge. I have resolved however, to build it back again because for me, love and compassion are greater than my anger and disappointment.

I know the anguish that fills the space between love and loss, and I also know that the details of her story along with the stories of others cannot be repeated unless in great confidence or more often in the quiet prayers sent up in moments of frustration, despair and anger. Relationships like this are fragile and often go up in flames lit by the match of self-preservation.

In all of this, I know the Savior, who walks with me and repairs my heart just as He walks with my friend. Prayer has guided me along the way and my heart has been opened to tend to the fragility of this human condition rather than burn the bridge and never look back. The matches in my mind have fallen away and been replaced by a strength I never knew I had. There are boundaries now and self-care routines. There are times I choose to be absent or to take a few steps back when those all too familiar signs begin to repeat themselves. I support her sobriety and look for ways to encourage and nurture her spirit. I pray regularly, for both of us and I send up prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude for each day she lives life without the thing she both craves and denies. I am reassured in knowing that she has accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior and was joyfully immersed in baptism.

“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV). God calls us to be merciful, to forgive, to lead, to tend to the wounded who walk among us, even those who have inflicted the harm themselves. I know that addiction is a difficult thing to address and to live with. It is painful for those who love an addict and often the resolve to let go and never look back feels like the only choice, the best choice. Perhaps we can learn to let go, steady ourselves and then, rather than burn the bridge, we can rise and light the way one step at a time. Hopeless? A fantasy? The world would say yes. I beg to differ. I know the God of creation, who holds the earth and the stars…..and my matches.
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This article has been read 747 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Holly Westefeld
09/05/21
May each of us be blessed to have one or more such discerning and loving friends.
Stephen Kimball
09/09/21
Incredibly difficult situation and too common. Equally strong position taken by the MC. It is a special and rare person who who will not eventually burn the bridge for self-preservation. If this is a true story, hang in there…this is an example of true and uncommon love.
Philippa Geaney
10/07/21
I loved the way this topic was addressed here. I felt the heartache, the love, the wisdom. Thank you - these words are applicable to a variety of challenged relationships.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
11/21/21
Laurie, you touched on a painful situation with such compassion but evoking every emotion within us.

I liked your opening line. It drew me into the story.

It is sometimes so difficult to address a person who has a addiction to alcohol because it is sometimes challenging to know whether you are enabling them or helping them.

Well done and congratulations on your quarterly win.
Robert Rutaagi 
11/25/21

Thank you for this splendid piece of work. Very touching. For years, I empathized with and cared for my cousin brother (Fred) who turned an alcoholic addict. He healed miraculously. He stopped alcohol, started dressing and doing his work (teaching).I was happy.But he was not. In one high profile seminar, I listed to an eminent Psychologist who said: ''Any help to addicts and mad persons, is a waste of time because, in their state, they at their best and you who is trying to help, you are at your worst)'' paraphrased.
Later, Fred, relapsed into the worst state! I believed the Psychologist. Over to you Laurie. How would you advise?

Evelyn Sprouse Rowe
11/25/21
Wow! I've often thought of the verse..." Christ will not extinguish even a smoldering wick" your story illustrates well what I believe this verse to mean...burned bridges and smoldering wicks...some very thought provoking images with much meaning!