Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: SPARKLE (08/19/21)
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TITLE: Waking Again | Previous Challenge Entry
By Laurie Bahlke
08/24/21 -
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I have a pair of shoes that I bought simply because tiny bits of light bounced and reflected out from them. They were loafers with gold and silver flecks scattered across the fabric of the shoe. They were inexpensive and I knew they would not hold up well, but I bought them because I could slip them on easily and the sparkle of them made me smile. I even thanked God for them every time I slipped them on because I felt like they were a little reminder from Him that I was loved. Silly perhaps, to thank God for such things but God’s presence was something I felt fully, and in all things, I gave Him thanks; everything was a blessing. And then one day, it was not. I was wearing those shoes the day that mom died. In a quick rush out of the house I slipped them on and let them carry me through hospital corridors and to her room. I can still remember looking down at them as I held her hand and listened to her uneven breathing. I remember thinking, “I wish I had chosen something better than these shoes,” as if I had somehow let her down in her final moments. Tears fell full force down my face, taking the sparkle from both my eyes and my soul, as they fell upon my shoes. For two hundred and eighty-four days, those shoes have remained in my closet, their sparkle hidden in the darkness.
It is not that I have been angry at God or moved away from Him, it is only that I have felt distant, caught in the ebb and flow of sorrow I could not understand until it touched me. Even though I have always known that God walks with me, grief left me feeling like a dull Christian wandering, worshipping, praying and broken.
Ten months have passed since my mother’s death and I am awake late one night, sitting out on the porch steps, looking up at the dark sky with a halo around the moon and a million faint stars scattered in all directions. I feel comforted and I release a long, heavy sigh into the warm August air. I look up to the heavens and think of a verse that reminds me to stay faithful in times of sadness and despair. “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (NIV Psalm 42: 5).
The next day, I opened the closet door and as darkness gave way to light, I reached down and picked up the shoes. I traced my fingers along the bumpy glitter covered fabric and a small, quivering smile escaped. I am waking again to being thankful to God in all things. God has been patient with me, and I know He works all things together for good. God relieves brokenness if we but stay faithful. Sorrow will be chased away by laughter, light will dance upon waves, and my heart will continue to heal. Last night, there was a heavy fog and I notice the dew on the grass as morning sunlight hits. It sparkles, and it is beautiful.
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Thank you! Truly inspirational, well done!
Blessings~