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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: BEACH (12/05/19)
“Abandon ship!” shouted the First Mate. His call echoed from mate to mate until the entire crew jumped overboard.

After the harrowing storm, the ship hit a sandbar off the coast of a deserted island. It wouldn’t be long before it disintegrated from the crashing waves. The captain decided the time was ripe for a scuttling of crew and cargo.

We made it to the shoreline, one by one, floating on anything buoyant. As we gathered our wits, we noticed some of the debris had found land before us. The pounding surf gave up the rest of the cargo, piece by piece. It took the rest of the afternoon to haul it to the dunes safe from the incoming tide.

The island seemed deserted. We hadn’t seen any signs of other humanity or even more than the few hungry birds circling overhead.

A few of the men searched higher ground to find some dry sun-bleached driftwood to start a fire and cook us a meal from a salvaged food crate.

Evening morphed into darkness, lit only by the campfire. The storm clouds were still overhead threatening another cloudburst. With our bellies satiated and our nerves calmed, we hunkered down and warmed our bodies in the fire’s glow.

It was a dark and stormy night and the pirates were sitting around the campfire when the Captain said, “Hey! Pasquale! Tell us a story!”

Pasquale arose and his story began. “It was a dark and stormy night and the pirates were sitting around the campfire when the Captain said, “Hey! Pasquale! Tell us a story…”

Pasquale arose and his story began. “It was a dark and stormy night and the pirates were sitting around the campfire when the Captain said, “Hey! Pasquale! Tell us a story…”

Pasquale arose and his story began. “It was a dark and stormy night and the pirates were sitting around the campfire when the Captain said, “Hey! Pasquale! Tell us a story…”

(Last four paragraphs adapted from a common childhood round and round story)
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This article has been read 464 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Barbara Culler 
12/12/19
I liked the beginning of this story, but I don't understand about the repeating of the last 4 paragraphs. Unless maybe, they are all named Pasquale?
Bonnie Bowden 
12/12/19
I had a hard time figuring out whose point of view the story is being told in. Is it the captain's voice?

I think I needed a little more transition into the storytelling rounds at the end. I didn't understand the repetition of the same line.

Your tale captured my attention in the beginning.

Terrie Ellington 
12/13/19
I was immediately drawn in after reading "Abandon ship!" because I knew some trouble was brewing. I think the first Mate was telling the story about the captain and the crew. I thought the first repeated sentence was a typo, but when I read it a third time I figured it was intentional, but I didn't get the point. Nevertheless, it was an interesting tale.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
12/13/19
This story was intriguing to me. You drew me in with "Abandon Ship."

I looked up childhood rounds after reading your story. There were several types of rounds.

I believe one was "Ring Around the Rosie" which is about the plague.

I was interested in finding out how these rounds related to your story.

Was it a way to help the pirates pass the time away while they were shipwrecked or was there another reason.

Thank you for sharing.
Dennis Gallemore
12/14/19
I enjoyed reading the story but I was puzzled by the rounds connection to the story as well.
susan furst
12/14/19
I liked the beginning of the story, especially that you jump right into the action. I also like the repetitive round, but don't understand how it relates to the story. An interesting and creative idea though! Just a little more information I think!
Loni Bowden-Horn 
12/19/19
Debra,

Congratulations on your Highly commended in the Advanced Division.